October 23, 2014 - I am continuing the process of reading back through the journal entries I have already entered into this blog so I can add the new labels where appropriate. (See Malachi 1:1 – 4:6) It has been a humbling, and at the same time exhilarating, process. This morning, as I was reading in Judges and then in I Kings, I began to realize
that my readings over the last several days have stirred and created a
cumulative effect in my soul. God is up to something.
When God stops you in your tracks and sends you back to the beginning it is for a reason.
LORD, what is it you want me to do with my journal writings? How do you want me to do it? When do you want it done? LORD, you know there are tears flowing right now. A slow realization has been building, and it is a little frightening. Actually, it is very frightening; I am literally shaking. Are my journals how you want YOUR story told? Are you sure, LORD?
LORD, there is something else I don't understand. If this is the way you want your story to become public, how does that work? How can the words you have given me to say be released in such a public format when the lawsuit my sister and brother-in-law filed against us is also public? How can our story, which is a YOUR story—an account of YOUR amazing love, YOUR protection, YOUR faithfulness, YOUR provisions, and YOUR hand working in our lives while in the midst of this difficult time, be told in a public format without YOUR story becoming contaminated by the lies and vile accusations that are also public? How does YOUR story not turn into a he said—she said? Are you sure about this, LORD?
LORD, you know about all the vicious, vile and false accusations against us. We have been accused of lying, stealing, cheating, vengeance, greed, manipulation, threats, and just about everything else that is wicked and vile. Their accusations against us sound like a line-by-line description of someone who has no regard for YOUR commands. What we are accused of goes against everything a follower of Christ stands for and are things YOU hate! LORD, you know how my sister and brother-in-law have specifically singled me out to be mentally unstable, emotionally unpredictable, untrustworthy and downright crazy. LORD, we know the truth, our family and friends who know and love us know the truth, and you know the truth, but what about everybody else? YOU know we are YOUR devoted followers and innocent of all their vile and vicious accusations, but LORD, people who don't know us don't know that. We don't want YOUR story and YOUR name harmed in any way. This isn't our story. This is YOUR story!! Are you sure this is how you want YOUR story told?
LORD, I am going to step out on a ledge here. I am going to ask you to do something that looks absolutely impossible in my eyes. We are YOUR followers. As Christians, we bear YOUR witness and are YOUR representatives to a lost world. Our reflection is YOUR reflection. LORD, you know about every underhanded attempt that has been made to try and destroy our witness. LORD, our name is not important, but YOUR name has been smeared because of our name and their actions. So LORD, I am going to ask you to do the impossible. LORD, I ask you to clear YOUR name from the stigma that has been caused by our name being falsely accused.
*2020 Update: For privacy reasons, I decided to remove from Blogger the portions of my handwritten journals which included private details about my sister and brother-in-law's lives, their behaviors and actions, and the lawsuit they filed. The ugly details are not what is important. HIS Story is not about them—HIS Story is about our journey while following HIS footpath and how the amazing Hand of God protected us from them.
When God stops you in your tracks and sends you back to the beginning it is for a reason.
LORD, what is it you want me to do with my journal writings? How do you want me to do it? When do you want it done? LORD, you know there are tears flowing right now. A slow realization has been building, and it is a little frightening. Actually, it is very frightening; I am literally shaking. Are my journals how you want YOUR story told? Are you sure, LORD?
LORD, I always pictured telling your story in a short story format or a few paragraphs in something like Guideposts. Are you telling me my personal journals are "The Book"? Am
I to make this private blog with my personal journal writings public? Are you sure, LORD?
LORD, I have so many questions. If my journals are to become public, am I the one who is supposed to do it? Is someone else to make this public after I am gone? Should all the personal parts of our lives be included? Should all the ugly and sordid details of my sister and brother-in-law's actions and "the storm" be removed? How does YOUR story get told without at least some details of "the storm" being included?
LORD, I have so many questions. If my journals are to become public, am I the one who is supposed to do it? Is someone else to make this public after I am gone? Should all the personal parts of our lives be included? Should all the ugly and sordid details of my sister and brother-in-law's actions and "the storm" be removed? How does YOUR story get told without at least some details of "the storm" being included?
LORD, there is something else I don't understand. If this is the way you want your story to become public, how does that work? How can the words you have given me to say be released in such a public format when the lawsuit my sister and brother-in-law filed against us is also public? How can our story, which is a YOUR story—an account of YOUR amazing love, YOUR protection, YOUR faithfulness, YOUR provisions, and YOUR hand working in our lives while in the midst of this difficult time, be told in a public format without YOUR story becoming contaminated by the lies and vile accusations that are also public? How does YOUR story not turn into a he said—she said? Are you sure about this, LORD?
LORD, you know about all the vicious, vile and false accusations against us. We have been accused of lying, stealing, cheating, vengeance, greed, manipulation, threats, and just about everything else that is wicked and vile. Their accusations against us sound like a line-by-line description of someone who has no regard for YOUR commands. What we are accused of goes against everything a follower of Christ stands for and are things YOU hate! LORD, you know how my sister and brother-in-law have specifically singled me out to be mentally unstable, emotionally unpredictable, untrustworthy and downright crazy. LORD, we know the truth, our family and friends who know and love us know the truth, and you know the truth, but what about everybody else? YOU know we are YOUR devoted followers and innocent of all their vile and vicious accusations, but LORD, people who don't know us don't know that. We don't want YOUR story and YOUR name harmed in any way. This isn't our story. This is YOUR story!! Are you sure this is how you want YOUR story told?
LORD, you know that we have always wanted to be publicly declared innocent of their lies and accusations. To be honest, it was probably at least partially due to pride. We wanted our names cleared. LORD, we are beyond all of that. That doesn't even matter to us any more. LORD, what we want is YOUR name cleared.
LORD, I am going to step out on a ledge here. I am going to ask you to do something that looks absolutely impossible in my eyes. We are YOUR followers. As Christians, we bear YOUR witness and are YOUR representatives to a lost world. Our reflection is YOUR reflection. LORD, you know about every underhanded attempt that has been made to try and destroy our witness. LORD, our name is not important, but YOUR name has been smeared because of our name and their actions. So LORD, I am going to ask you to do the impossible. LORD, I ask you to clear YOUR name from the stigma that has been caused by our name being falsely accused.
LORD, rise up. Face the enemy that is trying
to distort the truth and YOUR Truth, YOUR name, and YOUR will. Reclaim your rightful position of honor. LORD, we pray the words found in Psalm 17:13 - "Save us from
the wicked by YOUR power, save us by YOUR sword."
I don't understand, LORD. But, there is one thing I do know. Your thoughts are not our thoughts. LORD, over these last seven years you have taught me to literally ask you what it is you want me to do. So, LORD, I am asking. What is it YOU want me to do? How do YOU want me to do it?
LORD, I pray that YOU will make our path clear. Show me the next steps YOU want me to take. We will continue to stand strong. We will continue to believe. We will continue to follow YOUR lead, no matter what. We will continue to tell our story—which is YOUR story.
LORD, show me the way. Show me YOUR way.
LORD – What am I to do?
I don't understand, LORD. But, there is one thing I do know. Your thoughts are not our thoughts. LORD, over these last seven years you have taught me to literally ask you what it is you want me to do. So, LORD, I am asking. What is it YOU want me to do? How do YOU want me to do it?
LORD, I pray that YOU will make our path clear. Show me the next steps YOU want me to take. We will continue to stand strong. We will continue to believe. We will continue to follow YOUR lead, no matter what. We will continue to tell our story—which is YOUR story.
LORD, show me the way. Show me YOUR way.
LORD – What am I to do?
*****
*2020 Update: For privacy reasons, I decided to remove from Blogger the portions of my handwritten journals which included private details about my sister and brother-in-law's lives, their behaviors and actions, and the lawsuit they filed. The ugly details are not what is important. HIS Story is not about them—HIS Story is about our journey while following HIS footpath and how the amazing Hand of God protected us from them.
Next Entry: Time Is of NO Importance!
