Acts 9:1–43

November 27, 2012

The conversion of Saul. A total about face. Saul went from being obsessed with persecuting his enemies (followers of Christ) to being totally passionate about telling others about Christ. You don't go from begin obsessed with harming others to the polar opposite of passionately telling others about Christ without a defining moment; a conversion; a change of heart; a new way of thinking. It is the only way!  There is no other way.

Saul was on a mission. He was threatening. His goal was to destroy the followers. He was aggressive. He was actively seeking out those who dared to believe in the Christ. He was committed to his cause. He was seeking to devour, destroy, and kill—words that sound a lot like the description of Satan's motives and actions. He was on a mission, and he was hell-bent on completing it. He had no doubts and no regrets. He was in the middle of his plan when God stopped him with a bright light. It stopped him in his tracks. Saul fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, "Saul, Saul!  Why are you persecuting me?" (Acts 9:4) When someone sets out to devour and destroy a follower of Christ, it is the same as persecuting Christ himself. That statement ought to make all of us fall on our faces before God for Him to search our own hearts. Saul responds by saying, "Who are you, Lord?" The voice answered, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Get up now and go into the city. Someone there will tell you what you must do." (Acts 9:5) Get up—go! When God stops us in our tracks we need to listen for His directions because He has a plan! 

Saul got up from the ground and opened his eyes but he couldn't see. The people who were with him took him by the hand and led him to Damascus. For three days Saul could not see and did not eat or drink. Three days—the same amount of time that Jesus was in the grave. For three days Jesus kept Saul from being able to see. His independence was removed from him. Being self-reliant and believing in his own ways instead of submitting his will to God's will and becoming God-reliant was the very thing that caused him trouble in the first place. You have to wonder what would have happened if the blinding moment lasted just a few minutes. Would there have been a permanent change or would the change only been temporary? I suspect it would have only been temporary. God knows what we need. It is after "the dark days" that God can use us.

Yesterday I wrote about the divine appointment between Philip and the officer. Today there is a divine appointment between Ananias and Saul. There was a follower of Christ named Ananias. The Lord called his name. "Ananias!" And his response was, "Here I am Lord." He was ready and willing to be used by God. The Lord said, "Get up and go..." Then God gave him very specific directions. (See God's specific directions in Mark 11:3) God even told him what the man he was looking for was doing, thinking, and what the result of his visit would be.

Ananias answered: Lord, what you are asking me to do doesn't make sense. I've heard about this person. I know the reason he is here in Damascus is to cause harm to your people. Surely you don't want me to go see him?!? The Lord responded: Go—I have a plan. So Ananias went. He obeyed God even if it didn't appear to make any sense. He laid hands on Saul and said, "Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus sent me. He is the one you saw on the road on the way here. He sent me so that you can see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." (Acts 9:17) And immediately, Saul's eyes were opened and he could see again! Then Saul got up, was baptized, and he began to eat and regain his strength. He was a different man. He was blind but now he could see. He was lost, but now he was found. The old was gone and the new began.

God still arranges divine appointments today. We need to obedient—and GO! I have sometimes wondered, "What if?" What if on the morning of January 05, 2007, when God told me to GO, I had not went? What if I had listed all the reasons why it wasn't a convenient time for me? I haven't slept all night, Lord; I look a mess; my eyes are red and swollen; I've just been hurt by someone I love; I'm busy; I'm this...; I'm that...; I... I... I. What if? What if I had refused to do what I KNEW the Lord was prompting me to do? What if? Oh, how I shudder to think how my life would have been different for the past almost six years now. The divine appointment with Jane would have been missed. God's blessings would have been missed, and the experience of seeing God's hand work in our lives would have been missed. I can't even begin to put it into words. I want to always listen for God's voice and be obedient to HIS words.

Saul was a changed man. He went from trying to harm the followers of Christ to staying with them and standing up in the synagogues proclaiming that, "Jesus is the Son of God." What a change. What a radical revolution in his life. All the people were amazed. How can this be? This is the same guy who was trying to destroy those who trusted in the name of Jesus. This is the same guy who came here to arrest the followers of Jesus and take them back to the priests. It was the same man on the outside but a totally different person on the inside. His testimony was so strong that no one could argue with him or refute it. So, if you can't argue with it or refute it what do you do?  Surrender and believe yourself? No. They plotted to kill him and set traps for him. God revealed the evil plans, and he escaped to safety. Saul went back to Jerusalem.

The apostles weren't sure if they could trust Saul. Who could blame them? They had seen with their own eyes this man's deeds. They were afraid of him and didn't believe he was really who he "said" he was. But Barnabus accepted him and showed the others how Saul's life was changed. These weren't just words he was saying. His actions matched his words. There was proof he was a changed man. So they accepted him and he boldly proclaimed the Good News of Christ. The apostles became his strong supporters, protecting him from those who were seeking his harm.

The church had a time of peace and became stronger. Acts 9:31 - "Respecting the Lord by the way they lived, and being encouraged by the Holy Spirit, the group of believers continued to grow." The power of the Holy Spirit was continuing to use Peter to heal the sick and to raise the dead. ALL for the purpose of bringing honor and glory to the name of the Lord. The people saw the miracles and many, many people believed in the Lord.

*****

I have written many times before in this journal that we feel my sister and brother-in-law will either be like the Saul of the Old Testament or the Saul of the New Testament. I don't believe there is any middle ground. I truly believe it will end up like one or the other.

The Saul of the Old Testament was called by God, but somewhere along the way it became ALL about him and not about God. He clearly and willfully disobeyed God. God gave him so many chances to repent and sometimes it appeared he would, but it was only temporary changes, it was not a change of heart and a new way of thinking. He was jealous, revengeful, full of anger, paranoid, and suspicious—and he went to his grave that way. So many possibilities—so much wasted. If he would only have submitted to the authority of God instead of insisting upon being the god of his own life. Pride was his downfall. He tried to blame others, but he only had himself to blame.

His actions caused harm to many others. Sin does that. It sends out a ripple effect. But try as he might, he could not destroy David. Samuel made it clear to Saul (I Samuel 15 and I Samuel 15 Continued) that he could not blame his downfall on anyone else. I Samuel 15:22–23 - "What pleases God more: burnt offerings and sacrifices or obedience to his voice? It is better to obey than to sacrifice. It is better to listen to God than to offer the fat of sheep. Disobedience is as bad as the sin of sorcery. Pride is as bad as the sin of worshiping idols. You have rejected the Lord's command. Now he rejects you as king." The Lord tore the kingdom away from Saul and Samuel never saw Saul again for the rest of his life. This of course made Samuel very sad because he loved Saul. Then the Lord said to Samuel, "How long will you continue to feel sorry for Saul?" (I Samuel 16:1) This is between him and me and I reject him. Now get up and get on with what I want you to do—and Samuel obeyed. Saul never "got it" and died a broken defeated man—and Samuel moved on.

The Saul of the New Testament is an entirely different story. There was a total transformation in his life. He went from aggressively seeking harm against Christ-followers and following his own path, to stopping in his tracks at the call of God and radically changing his life in total submission to God. He became Paul and wrote a large portion of the New Testament. Many people then, and many people since, have come to know Christ because of his teachings.

What a difference between Saul of the Old Testament and Saul of the New Testament. Saul of the Old Testament never "got it" and died a broken man. Saul of the New Testament radically changed and then radically changed others.

So which is it going to be for my sister and brother-in-law? I don't know. If it is Saul of the Old, then I, like Samuel, will be very sad. But also like Samuel, I will pick myself up and get about God's business. This isn't about me/us and them. It is between God and them. We are only observers. If it is Saul of the New, there will be rejoicing over changed lives, and there will be no doubt about it. What will it be? No matter what—either way—we will praise the Lord.

What I know right now is there has been no change. You cannot behave like my sister did this past week and have a changed heart. You cannot drop in unannounced (from almost 2,000 miles away) on your widowed 83 year old mother (with whom you have a very strained relationship) and impose yourself upon her for four days without any notice. This is something they have repeatedly done. My Mom cannot even feel safe in her own home because she never knows if or when they will show up and for how long they will stay. That goes beyond rude, it is cruel.

My sister and brother-in-law did not come for any kind of reconciliation with her or anyone else. They came for purely selfish reasons; to see what they could learn about us, eat at my sister's favorite restaurants, and shop at her favorite stores. Nothing more. You also do not verbally assault your 83 year old mother. My sister, after being here for only a day and a half, attacked mom verbally. Non-stop. It is abusive behavior. Mom tried to just be quiet hoping that would get her to stop. But nothing will stop her. If you remain quiet she accuses you of being angry. If you speak up she accuses you of being out of control. There is no win, lose, or draw with my sister. She just cannot seem to stop herself as she relentlessly pushes on.

Her need to try and prove herself successful has not changed. She appears to have incredibly low self-awareness and self-esteem. She does not understand that she alone—without things, wealth, prestige, or fame—is worthy of God's love. She tries so hard to prove herself worthy with things that can never bring her happiness. It is so sad. But it isn't between me/us and them. It is between God and them. In man's eyes it appears hopeless, but that is what people would have said about Saul of the New Testament. While there is breath, there is hope.

What will it be? I don't know and I can't control it. What I do know is this: we will praise the Lord, and we will have hope. The rest is in God's hands. No matter what—we will PRAISE THE LORD.

"It is our job to hate the sin. But it's God's job to deal with the sinner. God has called us to despise evil, but he's never called us to despise the evildoer." ~ From Christ Through the Bible by Max Lucado

Addendum: 3/5/16 ~ Almost three and one half years have passed since I wrote this entry in my journal. Unfortunately, the Settlement Conference clearly showed there still has been no heart change. There is still hope. While there is breath there is hope. What I KNOW is this: God is faithful and He has given them many years of grace. But I also know there is a day of accountability coming—for all of us. Oh, how I hope they will change their hearts and get a new way of thinking like Saul of the New Testament. But I have no control over that. So, I leave it in God's hands.

Several weeks ago I was thinking about "what ifs" again? What if I received a phone call? What if I was told my sister was ill or needed help? Would I go? Would I still try to help her? The answer is: YES. I would still go. I would be wise and not go alone, but I would go. The only way I would not go is if God clearly showed me that I was to step aside and the answer was no. I clearly understand that I may not be given that opportunity, but I am willing. God already gave me the opportunity to say all I needed to say when my journal from Genesis to II Chronicles was sent to her during discovery. What looked disastrous at the time was actually a gift to me (and her) from God. God gave me a voice through my written words. He put in their hands our prayers and concern for them. I will be forever grateful for that gift.

My conscious is clear. I can only control my life choices. The result of their life choices is out of my hands. We will continue to pray. We will continue to hope. But ultimately, it is between them and God. And that is enough. We will trust HIM. We will serve HIM. We are following HIS path—wherever it leads.

I Am No Longer a Slave to Fear and  We Will Not Be Shaken.


Next Entry: Acts 10:1 – 11:30

Our Family Legacy: HIS Story is Passed Down

August 02, 2015

Our 5th annual Nanna Camp was this week. It's been a busy, busy week. But wow, what a great time.

Well, our four oldest grandchildren now all know about "the storm." Yesterday my husband and I gathered all of them in the tent and I read them the letter I wrote them in 2011. There were lots of questions and some tears but thank the Lord, what they don't have is fear. From the youngest to the oldest, their faith in God has grown. We all prayed together and then we went for a walk. We wanted them to see first hand where we were when Pop-Pop was praying and God miraculously parted the skies in the deepest of fogs to shine his brilliant sun at us for just a few seconds before the dense fog once again enveloped us. We showed them where we were walking when the sun came up and cast our shadows far in front of us and how the warmth of the sun of our backs made us realize that God had covered our backs and protected us. We told them the story of Jane and my husband and I quoted Psalm 150; Psalm 140; Psalm 1; and Psalm 8 while we walked. We asked God once again to: 

 "Bless us and bless us indeed. Enlarge our territories. May we see YOUR hand working in our lives. Protect us from evil that we would harm no one."

Everything is on the line. It is a scary thing to expose young children to the risks of what we are facing AND to tell them of our faith in God's protection. Because "what if"? What if we aren't protected? What then? What would it do to our grandchildren's faith in God if He didn't do what we said He has promised? What if? What if? What if?

Fear WILL NOT control us!! Our faith is in God and HIM alone. If you could have only heard our youngest grand-daughter (at just five years old) with folded hands and in the sweetest of voices pray, "Our dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for Nanna writing us this letter. I'm glad she read it to us. It was important for us to know."  

Thank you, LORD, for the awesome opportunity to share YOUR love with our precious grandchildren. LORD, as they each now have the ability to watch and see with their own eyes YOUR hand at work protecting us it just brings tears to my eyes. Then they will KNOW! They are going to be able to SEE!! They are going to be able to experience YOU! YOUR hands! YOUR promises! YOUR protection! And they will understand that they can trust YOU in all things. Oh LORD, thank you! May YOU use this to make a deep and indelible stamp in each of their hearts. May they each always love and serve you. May they each make an impact on the world around them. LORD, as we build a Praise Shelter as a remembrance of YOUR faithfulness may it always be a symbol that reminds all of us of YOUR hand in all of our lives. Thank you, LORD. Thank you.


Next Entry: Jeremiah 40:1 – 45:5 (Continued)

Jeremiah 40:1 – 45:5 (Continued)

November 30, 2011

Ishmael was plotting to kill Gedaliah and take over as ruler himself. Gedaliah was warned of the plot but just could not believe that his fellow Jew would try to kill him. Ishmael and his men went to Gedaliah and sat down "eating a meal" with him. Then they got up and killed him.

This is something that just blows my mind. How does someone do that? How does someone sit down to a meal together when they know what they are planning to do? My mind cannot fathom those actions, and for that I am grateful because evil actions have to start in the heart and mind. That is why the LORD says in Ezekiel 18:30–32:

"... I will judge each of you by what you do... Change your hearts and stop all your sinning so sin will not bring you ruin. Get rid of all the sins you have done, and get for yourselves a new heart and a new way of thinking. Why do you want to die, people of Israel? I do not want anyone to die, says the LORD God, so change you hearts and lives so you may live."  

Actions will never change unless the heart and mind changes, and the heart must change first. You can't "think" your way into a life change. You have to be willing to surrender your heart. The "thinking" and change of life will follow.

Ishmael had just witnessed everything God said through Jeremiah come true. Everything. Yet he did not change his heart or mind. He instead saw it as an opportunity to further his own agenda and become powerful. He used schemes and trickery to kill Gedaliah. He used lies and deceit to kill innocent people who were coming to Jerusalem to worship God. He only let the people live that said they had things of value hidden in the fields, probably so he could take those things. He massacred many and took the rest captive. He started to take the captives to the Ammonites. Another man of Judah, Johanan, saw what was happening and went to fight Ishmael. When the captives saw them coming they were glad and turned and ran to them. Johanan took the people back to Jerusalem, but Johanan and the people were afraid of the Babylonians. What if? What if the Babylonians were angry at them for what Ishmael did? What if?

They too had just witnessed everything God had done. But instead of turning to God, they became afraid, "so they decided to run away to Egypt," the very place of bondage that God miraculously freed their ancestors from many years before. On the way there, Johanan went to see Jeremiah, the prophet. Everyone went, all the officers and all the people, from the least important to the greatest. They said, "Jeremiah, please listen to what we ask. Pray to the LORD your God for all the people left alive from the family of Judah... there were many of us... there are few of us now. So pray that the LORD your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do."


Next Entry: Jeremiah 40:1 – 45:5 (Continued) 

Jeremiah 39:1–18

November 28, 2011

Jerusalem falls. Jeremiah prophesied for eighteen years while Josiah was king; 11 years while Jehoiakim was king; and 11 years while Zedekiah was king. So for 40 +/- years Jeremiah was warning the kings and people what God said was going to happen. And 40 years later... it happened. Jerusalem was captured.

What God said would happen—happened. Nebuchadnezzar's men broke through the wall and went and sat down by the middle gate. Zedekiah and his sons try to escape. They run away during the night. But the Babylonian army chased them and caught them. They took them to Nebuchadnezzar and he passed sentence on them. Zedekiah's sons and important officers were all killed in front of Zedekiah while he watched! Then Nebuchadnezzar put out Zedekiah's eyes; put him in bronze chains; and took him to Babylon. How horrible! I can't imagine anything worse. The very last image you have in your mind is the carnage of seeing your sons killed as you watched. I wonder what was going through Zedekiah's mind. Was he thinking "what if"—or—"if only"?

He heard Jeremiah's warnings for years! He had to have spent that time living under a great deal of anxiety and fear. But even though Jeremiah told him what he needed to do to save himself, Jerusalem, and his family (surrender to God's will) he just would not do it. He risked everything. He couldn't stand the thought of being humbled before his own people. He would not surrender! He would be in charge! As Dr. Phil would say, "How's that working for you?" Because, here he is running for his life in the middle of the night trying to escape the enemy; he is captured; his sons are killed in front of him; his own eyes gouged out; and he is bound in chains and taken away. Living with the regret of knowing all that happened was a direct result of the choices he made, would have been an indescribable torture. I can't imagine.

What if—he would have decided to follow God's commands and surrender to God's will? If only—he had changed his heart and mind. But sadly, he did not and what God said would happen—happened. Oh what a difference there would have been if he had chosen to obey. Choose carefully. The choices we make affects generations!!

The Babylonians totally destroyed Jerusalem. They set fire to the homes and palaces. They broke down the walls and they took the people away. All except for the very poorest, who were given vineyards. Then Nebuchadnezzar gave these orders: "Find Jeremiah and take care of him. Do not hurt him, but do for him whatever he asks you." He didn't send just anybody to find him, he sent the commander of the guards, a chief officer, an important leader, and all the other officers. Jeremiah 38:28 - "So Jeremiah stayed under guard in the courtyard of the guard until the day Jerusalem was captured." When it is over—it is over. The officer's found Jeremiah bound in chains among the other captives. They turned him over to the man in charge and gave him orders to take Jeremiah back home. "So they took him home, and he stayed among the people left in Judah."

What a contrast. Zedekiah and Jeremiah were both in the battle. The possibility of destruction was a threat to both. Yet Jeremiah was delivered and Zedekiah's sons were killed, his eyes put out, and he was taken into bondage. The consequences each received were a direct result of the choices they individually made. God is faithful to fulfill His promises. Both His promises for reward AND His promise of punishment.

Before Jeremiah was released from the courtyard, the LORD spoke to him again. He told Jeremiah to take a message to Ebed-Melech. "Very soon I will make my words about Jerusalem come true through disaster, not through good times. You will see everything come true with your own eyes. But I will save you on that day... you will not be handed over to the people you fear. I will surely save you Ebed-Molech. You will not die from a sword, but you will escape and live. This will happen because you have trusted in me," says the LORD.

Ebed-Molech was the one who saved Jeremiah from the mire of the well in Jeremiah 38. He could have stood by and done nothing. But instead, he spoke up and put his own life on the line, and saved Jeremiah. God blesses faithfulness.


Next Entry: Jeremiah 40:1 – 45:5

Isaiah 22:1 – 23:18

July 28, 2011

It is early morning. The sun has not yet risen. I've been lying awake praying. So, instead of just lying in bed, I decided to get up and read, write, and pray. Psalm 139:23 - "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." You already know everything about me LORD. If I have blind spots, please shine your light of truth and expose them, and I will repent quickly.

Repent quickly. Oh what danger there is in not repenting quickly. I want to know if I have any blind spots. I want to live in God's light and truth.  

Isaiah 22:1 – 23:18 - God's message to Jerusalem. Why are you trying to do things yourself without coming to me? You did not trust me. You did not respect me. (Isaiah 22:11) So I (the LORD) say this to you. Repent! Be sorry for what you have done. But instead you are going on with your life as if there is no tomorrow, eating, drinking, and pleasing yourself. (Isaiah 22:12-14)

I (the LORD) am the One in control. I will decide what is right and wrong. I will decide who leads and who doesn't. You who think you are in control:

• What are you doing?
• Who said you could cut out a tomb for yourself?
• Why are you doing this?
• Why are you carving a tomb from the rock?

You think you are in control—you're not. "The LORD will throw you away. He will take firm hold of you and roll you tightly in a ball and throw you into another country. I will force you out of your important job, and you will be thrown down from your important place." (Isaiah 22: 15-19)

God removed Shebna from being the manager of the palace because of his actions. All he worked hard to acquire and do for himself was given to Eliakim. God knows the heart. God knows the motives. No scheme of man can manipulate God's will. Repent. Like our Pastor says, "Repent well... repent quickly."


Next Entry: Isaiah 24:1 – 27:13

Psalm 124:1 – 127:5

May 26, 2011

What if? What if?

Wow. I can come up with a lot of "what ifs." What if we had not started going to a nursing home on Christmas mornings in 2002? What if I had not went to the nursing home that fateful January day in 2007? What if I had not went back every Monday for the next 16 months? What if? (To name just a few.)

Psalm 124:1 - "What if the LORD had not been on our side?"

What if we had not been "His people" and Psalm 121 wasn't true?  Then:

• they would have swallowed us alive
• they would have been like a flood drowning us
• they would have poured over us like a river
• they would have swept us away like raging waters

BUT!

6 Praise the LORD! 8 Our help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth. HE did not let them chew us up. 7 We escaped like a bird from the hunter's trap. The trap broke, and we escaped. Again I say, Praise the LORD! Our help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 125 - Those that trust in the LORD are like Mt. Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. Psalm 1 - "Like a tree planted by the water." The LORD surrounds His people. The wicked cannot and will not be able to rule over God's people. Accuse? Yes. Trap? Yes. But rule? No. The wicked have no power to rule over God's people. Lord, be good to those who are honest. Lord, remove those who do evil and have stopped following you. Let there be peace.  

Imagine. Imagine the joy they felt as the prisoners were returned to Jerusalem. JOY—mentioned four times in the NIV. Joy—as they proclaimed, "The LORD has done great things for them. The LORD has done great things for us, and we are very glad." The Psalmist is asking the LORD to return the prisoners again. "Those who cry as they plant crops will sing at harvest time. Those who cry as they carry out the seeds will return singing and carrying bundles of grain." You still have to plant, even in times of sadness. Be patient! The reward (harvest) will come!

Psalm 116:7 - Be at rest once more, O my soul for the LORD has been good to you.
Psalm 118.23 - The Lord has done this, and it is wonderful to me.
Psalm 30:11 - You changed my sorrow into dancing. You took away my cloths of sadness, and clothed me with joy.

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy."

Psalm 127 - "All good things come from God." The opposite is true as well. If it isn't from (or of) God—it is worth nothing.

IF the LORD doesn't build the house
     the builders are working for nothing.
IF the LORD doesn't guard the city
     the guards are watching for nothing.

You can work and work. You can get up early and stay up late trying to work for a living. But it is God who gives the reward, blessings, and rest for His people.

Jane, (Her Name Was Jane) in her NIV Bible has this written:

A Precious Triad -
   Psalm 124
   Psalm 125
   Psalm 126

I used to read these Psalms to Jane often. While they were precious to her, they were also very valuable to me to have implanted into my consciousness as we were just beginning on what has now become our four plus year faith journey while navigating "the storm."

Psalm 124 - The LORD saves His people
Psalm 125 - God protects those who trust Him
Psalm 126 - Lord, bring your people back

Amazing. I sit here and just shake my head. How God used Jane in our lives while alive, and how He continues to use her words and writing throughout her Bibles, is nothing short of incredible and amazing. As I was writing today, I recalled what she had written on the inside cover of her KJV. Here it is.

"If God be for us, you're up against it!" (Small boys rendering.) Below that she has written Romans 8:28 - "And we know (by experience) that ALL things work together" for GOD. God is behind the things. God makes ALL things work together—not separately—for God. Things would not of themselves work out for good. God's eternal purpose at work for His own. He is Master Blender. What is good? Who knows? Children don't know! Psalm 84:11 - "For the LORD God is a sun and shield: The LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing (with a box drawn around good) will he withhold for them that walk uprightly.) Our assurance. God says: Here are some cannots (sorrow, rainy days, trials) "I don't like that!" "But it's good for you!" How much would we depend on God if we never had sickness, trials, etc. Just as a flower needs some dark days to be fragrant, so do we. "Don't let circumstances take all the life out of you, but you get all the life out of the circumstances you can."

I just love reading all her little notes and comments. Thank you again, LORD, for bringing Jane into our lives. No words will ever be enough to express our gratitude or to adequately express the impact she (through you) has had on our lives. May we pass it forward. Use us, LORD. May our lives bring you honor and glory and be light to those we come in contact with.


Next Entry: Psalm 128:1 – 131:3

The Land In-Between

July 12, 2014

Well... it's over. Our goal of section hiking the Appalachian Trail is over. Permanently. Talk about a total blindside. There are tears running down my cheeks as I write this.

I didn't see this one coming. What is going on?!?

My husband and I have just returned from section hiking a portion of the Appalachian Trail in central Pennsylvania. We drove out to PA on July 4th. After several days of hiking and enjoying the peace and solitude of the Appalachian Trail, a brand new thought emerged. We were sitting outside on the patio enjoying a wonderful breakfast at the Red Cardinal Bed and Breakfast. It was a beautiful morning. As my husband and I were talking, I heard a statement come out of my mouth that shocked me. I said, "I realize we will never be able to complete the Appalachian Trail."

What? Not complete the trail? Where did that come from?

Had I seriously thought we would be able to complete the entire 2,200 miles of the Appalachian Trail? Yes. That was my goal. I'd never even considered the possibility of not finishing. I fully expected to section hike the entire A.T. footpath from Springer Mountain in Georgia, to Mount Katadhin in Maine.

I started to list the logical reasons on why it was not going to be possible to complete the trail.

1. We can't afford it. Because of "the storm" we can't afford to keep going out to the trail to do a week of time here, and a week of time there. 
2. We don't have the time. It would require doing several sections a year for longer periods of time. Because of my husband's business responsibilities, we don't have the ability to be gone for weeks at a time.   
3. We promised to take each one of our grandchildren hiking with us the year they turned ten. We can't do what we promised our grandchildren (the oldest turns ten next year, so it would be for the next three consecutive years and then two more years soon after) and fulfill our personal goals at the same time. They can't possibly put in the daily miles it would require to help us meet our goals. Besides, many of the areas we hike are just too difficult or dangerous.
4. We are getting older. We are running out of time. In ten years, we've only made it to the trail five times. Realistically, there just is no way we are going to be able to complete the trail without being able to do weeks or months at a time. 

I said, "We can't realistically section hike the whole Appalachian Trail. Maybe we could hike some of the trail in each state." Not the fulfillment of my goal, but at least I would be hiking some in each state. 

It was going to be hard to give up my dream. For you to be able to understand why giving up the dream of section hiking the Appalachian Trail was so difficult for me, I should probably share why I loved it so much and the significance of our other trips to the trail.

My love of the outdoors and spending time exploring in the woods began in childhood. During times of conflict or stress in the family, I would often retreat to the woods. The woods—with its towering trees and calm gentle breezes, was where I felt safe. The woods—with singing birds and wildlife, brought me peace and contentment. I loved everything about my time spent in the woods. The sun rays coming through the trees at daybreak. The flute like sound of a wood thrush piercing the stillness of the air. The peace. The quiet. The solitude. The surprising discoveries. The aimlessly wandering while lost in thought.

With each changing season there was always something new to discover in the woods. Spring—morel mushrooms and jack-in-the-pulpits; mayflower umbrellas; purple beds of wild violets; the sounds of birdsong as the earth awakens from its winter slumber; the earthy smell after a spring rain. Summer—lush green flora and warm breezes; sunlight peeking through the canopy of trees; the whispering sound of pine needles swaying in the wind; the sight of small curious forest animals scampering through the trees. Fall—fresh, crisp and clear air; colorful yellow, orange, and red leaves painted against the backdrop of vivid blue skies; falling leaves floating lazily to the ground; the rustling of leaves in the wind and beneath your feet; the persistent loud call of the blue jay. Winter—dark silhouettes of bare trees; animal tracks in new-fallen snow; the stillness as the earth sleeps; cold air and misty clouds of breath; the crunching sound of snow; a red cardinal in a picturesque wonderland.    

The sights. The sounds. The smells. The memories. The woods.

To get away and retreat to the forests of the Appalachia mountains felt relaxing and therapeutic to me. There is a feeling of relief and relaxation when you get alone with nature and get away from the distractions, demands, and disappointments in life. Working up a sweat while climbing mountains and hiking the strenuous trails, just felt cleansing. When IT happened, getting away to hike the A.T. became even more therapeutic. It was a welcome respite from "the storm." Hiking the trail over mountains, across the valleys, and through the forests brought feelings of safety, stability and comfort to my life. It kept me balanced. No matter what else happened or changed in my life, the forest and the well-worn footpath of the Appalachian Trail was still there. It was something I could count on. It had no hidden agendas or ulterior motives. It could be trusted.

The Appalachian Trail was like a faithful old friend.

The first time I hiked a section of the A.T. was in 2004. I celebrated my 50th birthday by taking two trips (one with four of my girlfriends and one with my husband) to the Appalachian Trail in Shenandoah National Park. In 2005, my husband and I went back and hiked the state of Maryland.

In early 2007, "the storm" began to brew. My world was turned upside down. I'm not sure how we found the time, but in July of 2007, my husband and I headed out to do another section hike in lower Pennsylvania. It was my fourth trip to the trail. I remember the rush of emotions as we once again stepped foot on the well-worn footpath of the A.T. I can still vividly picture it in my mind. I was "home" again. I felt safe, and I burst into tears. My husband and I stood there, just inside the edge of the woods, and embraced. After all we had been through the solitude and peacefulness of the forest quieted our spirits and brought us comfort. We walked. We prayed. We cried out to God for His help, His guidance, and His protection. We sought His will and His wisdom.

It felt good to be back in the serenity of the woods.

After several days of hiking and exploring the local area, our lawyer called with the disappointing news; our plan for a peaceful solution to the conflict with my sister and brother-in-law was flatly rejected. He strongly felt my sister and brother-in-law were not interested in seeking an amicable resolution to our conflict. He felt they were preparing to file a lawsuit—and that is what they did.

Because of "the storm" we didn't make it back to the Appalachian Trail for the next five years. Then in 2012, my daughter-in-law said she wasn't going to need me to watch the kids the first week of July. She said, "Why don't you take some time off and go somewhere?" It was totally unexpected. What would we do? Where would we go? The idea of returning to hike more of the Appalachian Trail had been pushed far back in my mind. Dare I even dream of going back? Was it even possible?

God opened the doors, and we went. We all joked that it wasn't going to be pretty when I first stepped back on the familiar footpath of the Appalachian Trial. Well, the tears began flowing long before we hit the trail. The tears, praying, praising, and reminiscing started pretty much as soon as we pulled out of our drive.

As we drove, my husband and I talked about how and when my crazy notion to section hike the Appalachian Trail began. My out-of-the-blue idea to hike the Appalachian Trail began at about the same time (2002) that we also decided to begin going to a nursing home on Christmas mornings. At the time I had no idea the Appalachian Trail was going to become an integral part of God's plan. I had no idea God was going to use a nursing home as the setting for where HIS plan would come to fruition. I had no idea God was scripting a plan to bring Jane E. Wolfe's life and my life together. I had no idea Jane's and my shared love of the Appalachian Trail would be what God used to show me my encounter with Jane was not mere happenstance. The intersection of our lives was a God-arranged and God-ordained divine appointment for a higher purpose. The trail permanently linked Jane and I together.

The well-worn footpath of the Appalachian Trail was part of HIS greater plan.

As my husband and I continued to talk and reminisce, we began to recount the many, many ways God had protected us and provided for us from the time "the storm" first began to build on the horizon to when it became a full-fledged violent and dangerous storm. We talked about the time we were walking in such a deep fog that we were blinded to everything around us; we could only see far enough ahead to take one step at a time. My husband was fervently praying for God to show us He was with us when suddenly the fog parted and opened up like a tunnel in front of us while the fog still enveloped us to the side and behind. The sun shown brightly and cast its beautiful rays through a small grove of trees which had become visible in the clearing. The brightness of the sun lasted for several seconds and then the sky closed back up and the small grove of trees disappeared as the fog once again closed in around us. We will never forget that day. As we recounted other ways we had so clearly seen the Hand of God we became overwhelmed with emotion. The more we talked, the more we began to understand. We were humbled and grateful for HIS amazing love and HIS protecting hand.

Our 2012 trip to the A.T. was when I realized for the very first time that my random idea to hike the Appalachian Trail wasn't some crazy notion I came up with. It wasn't my idea; it was all part of God's plan. God used something as ordinary as the Appalachian Trail to teach me new concepts—HIS concepts. It was also during this trip that I suddenly knew we were to start praying about a New Beginning. I had no idea what the "New Beginning" meant, but I knew we were to begin praying about it. So we did, even though we didn't know the why behind it, or what it meant.

Several weeks after we returned home from our 2012 trip to the trail, a new thought came to me. I suddenly knew we were to remove from our home the large volume of lawsuit paperwork and other material which had accumulated during the five years of battling "the storm." At first I thought, "But, how can we do that? The lawsuit is still ongoing." There was a lull in "the storm," but it seemed crazy to store things away before it was over. We absolutely believed God's promises of protection, but still, wasn't it crazy to remove everything from our home before the lawsuit was actually over?

There was also the fear of what-if? What-if storing things away triggers "the storm" to pick back up even stronger than before? We had become accustomed to (and thankful for) the lull in the barrage of nastiness. But, removing the lawsuit debris was something I knew we were supposed to do. So, we gathered the courage, put our what-if fears aside, and packed into industrial size boxes everything associated with the lawsuit. It was so incredibly freeing to have all the toxic materials removed from our home even though "the storm" continued on. We didn't know what the "New Beginning" was or what it was going to be, but we knew it was coming. Without us even realizing it, God was slowly revealing our next steps. The New Beginning—was beginning.

Two years passed, and now it's 2014. The seven year anniversary of when my sister and brother-in-law filed their lawsuit against us was fast approaching. My husband and I decided to mark the anniversary by once again going to PA to hike another section of the Appalachian Trail. As we were driving, my husband and I were talking about God's incredible faithfulness. We remarked how last time (2012), we felt our trip to the A.T. was a time of reflection and preparation. This time (2014), the trip felt like a time of celebration. That seemed a little odd to us. Why would this trip feel like a celebration when we are still caught up in the middle of "the storm"? We were exhausted from caring for my husband's parents, and we were grateful to be getting away for a few days—but celebration? What does that mean?

After several wonderful days of hiking, I was surprised to hear the words, "I realize we will never be able to complete the Appalachian Trail" come out of my mouth. What did that mean? What was going on? We are hiking on the footpath God put us on!! Why are things changing? How is the ending of a long held dream and goal a celebration?

We had just a few more days to hike before we needed to head back home. The plan was already set for where we were going to hike next. We were going to finish the last section into Duncannon. But, before we did that section, we decided to take a day off and drive up a little farther to the area where Jane grew up and lived—Lickdale and Lebanon, PA.

Oh my. I loved exploring the area where Jane grew up. What a gift to be able to visualize Jane's account of her childhood as detailed in the assignment she wrote entitled An Ever-Widening Path. I could imagine Jane as a teenager exploring the flora of the trail like detailed in the fictional story she wrote entitled The Silent Challenge. I could see with my own eyes what Jane saw; I could experience for myself what Jane experienced. It was very emotional day. We were walking in Jane's footsteps while hiking on the same A.T. footpath Jane loved and hiked.

The Appalachian Trail crosses the Swatara Creek on an old iron bridge a short distance from where Jane lived as a child. As we stood on the bridge, watching the swift waters of the Swatara Creek flow by, we thanked God for blessing our lives with Jane and for using her to speak to us. We prayed the God-given chapters Jane told us to read: Psalm 150, Psalm 140, Psalm 1, and Psalm 8. We prayed the prayer of Jabez, asking God to bless us and to enlarge our sphere of influence. As my husband and I stood there in silence, mesmerized by the flowing water of the Swatara Creek, a new thought suddenly became clear to both of us. A new reality. We knew that our journey on the Appalachian Trail was over. God was telling us that it was time to get off the footpath of the A.T. Our compromise plan of hiking some of the trail in each state wasn't going to happen.

I was faced with abandoning my dream and facing a new painful reality—our journey of hiking the Appalachian Trail was over.

God used the correlations between hiking the trail and following HIS footpath to teach me so many life lessons. I loved every minute of it. The hiking. The planning. The sweating. The aloneness with nature. The welcome respite from "the storm." The familiarity and the solitude of the trail brought me comfort and soothed my soul. God put us on the A.T. footpath. Why was He now taking us off? My husband and I stood on the old iron bridge and shed a few tears. We kept looking at each other asking, "What does this mean?" We crossed the bridge and in silence followed the Appalachian Trail a short distance to the east of Swatara Creek and then turned around and followed the trail a short distance to the west. We picked up a stone to bring home. Then reluctantly, we turned, and we left the trail behind.

The thought of leaving the trail was crushing.

As we were driving back to where we were staying in Carlisle, a large severe thunderstorm began to develop. The storm was just to the west of the Interstate we were driving on. There were flashing signs along the highway warning of the impending danger. We had about 25 miles to go before we reached our destination. The sky looked ominous, but God held off the storm until we safely reached the Red Cardinal Bed and Breakfast, where we were staying. Then it hit, and boy did it hit. The hardest hit area was where we planned to hike next. There was wide spread devastation. Trees and electric lines were down and homes were damaged. There was no way it was going to be feasible to hike in our planned area because of all the downed trees and destruction. I was distraught. I knew this journey was going to end—but seriously!?! Don't I get to hike one more time on this trip? Don't I get to say a final good-bye to my faithful old friend—the Appalachian Trail?

The emotions of giving up my dream of hiking the Appalachian Trail hit me. We went to bed. My husband held me as I laid in the bed and just sobbed. My heart felt broken. I couldn't sleep so I got out of bed to look at the trail map. We were limited in where we could go to hike because we were no longer going to have the rental car to shuttle us from one point to another. For the first time, I looked at the area on the map that was just to the east of where Jane grew up. I found a spot where we could park and hike to the east for several miles to an overlook and then hike back out. There also was another overlook to the west of the parking area.

That is what we would do. We would go back and hike the land where Jane hiked. We would spend our last day walking in her footsteps. 

We had one day to wait. We spent the day driving to some of our favorite spots and exploring new areas around the Cumberland Valley. We'd grown to love the Carlisle, PA area and we realized we probably would not be coming back this way again. It was a very bittersweet day. I felt numb and in a daze. Most of the day was spent in reflective silence as we drove the back roads of the valley. Way back when I first began to think about hiking the trail, I ordered the books and maps for three areas: Northern Virginia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania. I was going to order more books and maps as I needed them. Well, it turns out the original maps were the only ones we were ever going to need.

I always thought we would take each grandchild with us so they could experience section hiking the Appalachian Trail. Now I realized that we would still take each one of them with us, but we would not be exploring new areas in our quest to finish the trail. We would instead take them to the footpaths we walked during this seven year "storm" time in our lives and we would share with them how God used the well-worn footpath of the A.T. to teach us about HIS footpath. We would show them the blazes and teach them the lessons we've learned. We would be sharing with our grandchildren our faith journey, not our Appalachian Trail journey.   

The day for our last hike on the Appalachian Trail finally came. After another wonderful breakfast at the B&B, we headed out. It was my 60th birthday. We found the parking place I found on the map two nights before. We parked the truck and started hiking. It was the rockiest trail we have ever hiked on. We met a hiker who had severely sprained his ankle and was hobbling back to the roadway. He warned us to watch out for poisonous snakes; he had just passed some sunning themselves on the rocks. The trail was like a boulder field. You literally had to carefully place each footstep because of the many irregular shaped and jagged rocks. It was difficult and very slow going, but we finally made it to the overlook. It was nice to rest and look out over the valley below. After eating a snack, we turned around and headed back to the roadway. We picked up another rock to take home. It was settled in our minds, it was time to get off the Appalachian Trail; it was time to move on.

As we crossed the road to hike the trail a short distance to the west, we ran into a gentleman from Ohio who was thru hiking. (Hike it Forward - Dr. D. on the A.T.) We met him south of Duncannon a few days before. We asked him where he was during the storm. We told him we said a prayer for him and the other hikers who were out in it. He said he was on the crest of the mountain and it was very windy, but he thought, "God is my protector," and he rolled over and went to sleep. I love that. When you hike a trail, whether it be the Appalachian Trail or your own personal faith trail, you cannot be afraid or you will not be successful. That doesn't mean you press forward with reckless and foolish abandon. You have to prepare and do your part, but then you have to let go, surrender, and trust. Before Dr. D. took his first step on the A.T. footpath, he hiked more miles than the entire length of the trail (2200+ miles) in preparation for the journey.

We wished Dr. D success on making it to Mount Katadhin, and then we continued on our path. The dense growth of trees suddenly opened up and we could see the sun shining through a clearing in the woods ahead of us. As we got closer to the opening we were stunned by the beauty of the view. Large boulders lay exposed, spilling down the side of the mountain and opening the trail up to a beautiful and stunning 180 degree panoramic view of the valley below us. We sat down on the boulders and gazed out over the valley. We sat there in solitude for at least 45 minutes. We again quoted Psalm 150, Psalm 140, Psalm 1, and Psalm 8. From the mountain top we watched the ravens soaring beneath us, their shadows dancing over the tree tops as they floated over the valley spread out before us. It was just incredibly beautiful. A rooster crowed in the distance. We looked at each other and said, "What a perfect place and way to end our hiking." 

God chose to end our Appalachian Trail journey by showing us that valley experiences are beautiful when you view them from a higher perspective. Incredibly, we learned this new Truth in the exact area Jane would have sat and contemplated the beauty of the Father's hand as well. 

God's new plan for our lives was a total blindside and a tearful process, but we were at peace. We thanked God for giving us such an unexpected gift, and then we got up and walked back to the truck. We walked away and left the trail behind. That chapter of our lives had come to an end.

When we felt God was directing us to begin praying about a New Beginning (in July of 2012), we had no idea that two years later it was going to mean a painful ending. God was letting us know it was time to move on. Following HIS footpath no longer included hiking the Appalachian Trail footpath; the direction of HIS footpath was changing. 

What is going on?

We don't know. As I was writing this entry, three different times I accidentally misspelled the word "trail" and typed "trial" instead. The only other time I can ever recall doing that is when I was writing about The Journey: Part One on July 1st. Following the footpath "trail" of the Appalachian Trail is over, but HIS footpath continues. Maybe God is preparing us for when our seven year "trial" ends and The New Beginning: The Path Unfolds begins.

We are in The Land In-Between—the valley between the mountains—and it is beautiful land. We will continue to wait for the fulfillment of God's promises. The fulfillment of His promises are in the future; the TRUTH of His promises are past tense and written in stone. While we await the fulfillment of His promises, there is no doubt in our mind about the truth of His promises or His faithfulness. He has the power to do what He has promised.

There is almost an excitement in the air. It is a time of celebration! A celebration of the past and the anticipation of a New Beginning. We are ready to move on one step at a time. We believe God is showing us it is time to let go. 

 

Remember where you came from. Look forward. There is a new plan. Embrace the future. 

On the drive home from PA, my husband said he felt it was time to start planning and building the arbor/pavilion with the stone wall and fireplace that will memorialize what the LORD has done. We've always said that when it was the right time, God would let us know. Well, it's the right time. The planning has begun. The rocks, which will be engraved with the scriptures Jane told us to read, are being chosen and the building of the walls will soon begin. We WILL remember. The stories of God's faithfulness WILL be remembered and told.

Addendum: 8/14/14 ~ I've been thinking about something the innkeeper at the Bed and Breakfast said to me. We spent five days staying in their lovely home in Carlisle, PA and on our last day there she said to me, "You are the calmest people we have ever had stay here." You've just read what we were going through at the exact time she viewed us as being calm. And then it hit me, we were calm! We have learned what it means to be calm even in the midst of a storm. NOTHING we go through changes these facts: we are a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords; we are loved by Him; and nothing else matters. Hallelujah! That is enough. That is more than enough.

I say we have learned what it means to be calm at ALL times because it is not something that comes naturally. It ONLY comes when you are willing to learn what it means to be totally surrendered to God and whatever HIS will is for your life. That doesn't mean there is a giddy flippant attitude of reckless nonchalance. It's not that at all. It was a very emotional and difficult time trying to understand the change of course and God's new plan for our lives, but at NO TIME did we ever feel alone, abandoned, abused, or neglected by our Savior. We trust HIM—period. And that is what gives us the ability to remain calm and have peace in ALL circumstances, whatever they may be.

Addendum #2: 8/15/14 ~ Well... we've just had another opportunity to feel God's calm in the midst of difficult situations. Last afternoon, around 5:00 p.m., a pickup pulled into our drive and delivered us unbelievable news. They are in the initial phase of planning a gas trunk line through our property. What?? Where on earth did this come from? It was the first time we were aware that a trunk line was even being considered. The installation of a new trunk line would swallow up a large section of land and would have a serious impact on our business.

We called our son to tell him what was going on. Then he told us about his horrible day. One of our tractors came within seconds of burning to the ground. Literally. Our son had to shovel a tremendous amount of dirt onto the tracks in an intense situation to save it from being destroyed. His hand was burned, but otherwise the LORD protected his health. The damage to the tractor appears to be minimal in comparison to what it could have been.

If that wasn't enough, this morning a live tree broke off about five feet above the ground and fell from the east to the west on one of our buildings causing several thousands of dollars in damage, even though there was no wind, no storm, and the tree was alive, solid, and healthy. 

BUT—understand this!!! We will not give up, give in, or give out. God has provided for us in the past, and HE will provide for us in the future. Our faith is in HIM! We will continue on. I am SO thankful and grateful for how we have all handled all that is coming our way. There is certain evidence that we aren't who we used to be. We aren't lying awake at night, we don't feel stress, and we aren't anxious. Not because of any skill or effort of our own. No. It is ONLY because of the change in our hearts. A decision to follow Christ—no matter what. I fully believe that God will soon be showing us how He is going to "uphold the cause of the needy."  The opposition heats up the closer it comes to God getting ALL the honor and glory for ALL He has done and will do.

Even through all of this, we still have the peace of God and the calmness that comes from knowing you are on HIS footpath. I was thinking about that this morning. IF ONLY people could understand this in whatever difficulties they are facing. It isn't a trial. It is an opportunity!  It is a trail to follow. Don't try to pray your "trials" away. Prayer is vital in humbling ourselves before Him and in surrendering our will to His will, but many people "use" prayer to try to avoid whatever trial or pain they are facing. As a result, important learning opportunities are missed. 

Face your "trial"! Embrace the trail! Surrender to His path!! Follow His lead!!!

Addendum #3: October 2014 ~ A few months after I wrote this entry and the subsequent updates, God began to reveal why we were to let go of the past, look forward, and embrace the future. No wonder there was so much opposition happening in our personal lives. The enemy was trying to create confusion and discouragement. Praise the Lord, his tactics didn't work!! See: LORD – What Am I to Do?


Next Entry: II Chronicles 11:18 – 15:19 

II Kings 2:1 – 3:27

September 01, 2010

Elijah is taken to heaven. Elisha knew Elijah was going to be taken away, but he faithfully stayed with him until the end. Before going, Elijah asked Elisha what he could do for him and Elisha asked for a share of his spirit. God granted it—and Elijah was gone.

Elisha returns and comes to the Jordan with Elijah's coat in his hand. Moments before Elijah had used that same coat to part the water. Elisha asked for the same spirit. Now here he is at the water. People are watching. Should I try it? What if it doesn't work? I'll look like a fool. Elisha picks up the coat. He asks a question. "Where are you, LORD?" He strikes the water, and the water parted. Elisha chose to believe. He chose to risk it. He chose to step out on the ledge where either God provided, or he looked like a fool. God showed up and fulfilled His promise. 

The kings of Israel, Judah, and Edom join together to put down an uprising from the Moabites. They are in the desert and they are without water. They seek a prophet to inquire of the LORD. Elisha, because he has respect for the king of Judah (Jehosophat), tells them what to do. "Dig holes and trenches in the valley. Water will come to fill them up. This is easy for the LORD. And, (my paraphrase) oh yeah—the LORD will deliver Moab to you." They dug the ditches and the water came. The Moabites thought the water was blood and they went to gather what they thought would be the plunder. Instead, they were caught and soundly defeated.

It may require being in the trenches, but God's promises WILL come to pass and wickedness WILL be defeated. 


Next Entry: II Kings 4:1–44

I Samuel 28:1–25

July 8, 2010

The Philistines decide to attack Israel. Because David was living with the Philistines (he thought it wise to do), he was expected to join the army against Saul and his own people. David had chosen not to harm Saul when he was in the cave and when he went into his camp. But now he has to join the army or they will find out he was lying. His decision to do what "seemed" best was not what God would have chosen for him.

Saul is scared. He prays to the LORD and God didn't answer. Instead of repenting, Saul seeks out a medium because he wants to talk to Samuel. Samuel asks Saul why is he disturbing him. Saul replies, "I am greatly troubled... God has left me... he won't answer me... tell me what to do." Samuel responds, "The LORD has left you and has become your enemy. Why are you calling me? He (the LORD) has done what he said he would do!" You did not obey; you will be handed over to the Philistines; tomorrow you and your sons will die. Saul fell to the ground in fear and exhaustion.

Saul was not seeking God or Samuel while there was no danger. He was only seeking them because he was afraid of the Philistines. It was too late. His fate was sealed. You cannot continually choose to disobey God and then expect to get a different result from what God has clearly said He will do. 

Last night some "what if" fears began to settle in. What if we don't survive "the storm." But then I have to STOP! Remember who controls the wind. Remember WHOSE battle it is. Remember GOD's promises. Remember Jane. (Her Name Was Jane) Remember Psalm 140. Remember! Remember! Remember! God IS in control and we DO trust Him. HE is our Deliverer. HE is our Savior. In HIM we WILL trust. 

"I look up to the hills, but where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.  He will not let you be defeated. He who guards you never sleeps. He who guards Israel never rests or sleeps. The LORD guards you. The Lord is the shade that protects you from the sun. The sun cannot hurt you by day or the moon by night. The LORD will protect you from all dangers; he will guard your life. The LORD will guard you as you come and go, both now and forever." Psalm 121

Praise the LORD!


Next Entry: I Samuel 29:1–11

Her Name Was Jane! (Continued)

February 2, 2010

Jane was literally all alone. I strongly felt I was supposed to go and see Jane again, and that I was supposed to do it regularly. But to be honest, I was reluctant. The conversation between myself and God went something like this. "But God, how am I going to fit driving to the nursing home to see Jane into my schedule? How long would I be making a commitment for? What if she lives a long time? This is what you want me to do? You sure about this God? I know—maybe I could go that way on Wednesday nights when I go to choir practice. Maybe I could fit it into my schedule that way." It was like God clearly stopped me in my tracks and admonished me with a holy thump to the head. "If I am asking you to do something I want you to do it. I don't want you to try to figure out a way to "fit it" into your schedule. I just want you to obey me and do it." Okay, God. I'll do it. I will go visit Jane every Monday morning.

There were several more difficult meetings over the weekend, but the protective barrier of God's love continued to surround me.   

Monday morning came and I headed to the nursing home. As I drove and thought back over my first visit with Jane, the miraculous nature of the encounter and her amazing prayer of God's blessing over my life, the realization that it was a God-ordained meeting began to sink in more and more. As I was driving I was praising God for His many blessings.

The drive to the nursing home felt like it took forever. My reluctance to add weekly visits with some random elderly lady in a nursing home to my already full schedule, was quickly replaced with eager anticipation. What would I find when I got there? All the circumstances surrounding my first meeting with Jane seemed so remarkable ... was there really a woman in the nursing home named Jane? I don't think it would have shocked me to have walked into the room only to discover that no Jane had ever lived there and that I had encountered an angel. Our first meeting was that incredibly amazing.

I walked down the hallway to Jane's room. Jane did exist, but that was just about all she was capable of doing. I never again saw Jane sitting in her lazy boy chair. I never again had a long (or any) mutual conversation with her. It wasn't until Jane died a year and half later that I learned she had not been able to have a conversation like we had during our first meeting—for years! Years before our first meeting! The "real" Jane did not even remotely resemble the woman I'd met (three days before) and with whom I'd spent an hour or so of time enjoying a friendly and engaging conversation.

The "real" Jane had Parkinson's disease and advanced dementia. Jane thought her mother was alive, but her mother had died when Jane was in her early 20's. Jane couldn't walk, couldn't dress herself, or perform any activities of daily living—none. Jane struggled to speak even a few words. She seldom tried, but when she did try, it was painful to watch as she struggled to form a word and try to vocalize it. Jane spent her days either lying in bed or sitting in a wheel chair. Her body was rigid. If she started to lean to the side while sitting in her wheelchair, she could not straighten herself back up. I would try to help her back into an upright position but she had no control over her body and could not hold herself upright. Jane never again knew my name or anything about me. 

I went to see Jane every Monday for a year and a half. It was never something I had to "fit" into my schedule. It was pure joy. It was impossible to have a bad week when you started it out by visiting Jane. Our "visits" consisted of me reading to Jane from one of her Bible's or singing to her. Most of the time I couldn't tell if she could hear me or not, but knowing that hearing is the last of the senses to go, I read to her any ways hoping she could still hear. Occasionally she would respond by repeating something I had read. I remember reading her Psalm 8 and when I finished she said, "What is man..." with her voice trailing off.

Shortly after I met Jane she was put under the care of Hospice—she was dying. It wasn't until I met Jane's Power Of Attorney for the first time, over a year later, that I learned the whole story. Jane developed a bladder infection while she was in Hospice. Because Hospice typically does not treat illnesses, Jane's POA decided to remove her from Hospice so the infection could be treated. She told me that at the time she didn't know why, but she just knew she had to remove Jane and have the treatments begin. It would have been so much easier for her just to have let Jane die. Jane was 87, with advanced dementia, Parkinson's, and just barely existing. Jane's POA wasn't family, she was just a former co-worker Jane asked to take on the job because she didn't have anyone else to ask. It was a huge responsibility and time commitment. She shared with me that she sometimes felt resentment towards Jane's PA family and often wondered why someone didn't take Jane back to PA? Why did they leave her in Indiana with just acquaintances to care for her?

It would have been so easy for Jane's POA to have let Hospice continue and leave the bladder infection untreated. Not only easy, but perfectly rational, legitimate, and arguably a wise decision to let nature take it's course. But she couldn't. Oh, thank God she couldn't. Because just months after the decision was made to begin treatment and extend Jane's life, Jane spoke the words that forever changed our lives and has impacted hundreds of people around this country. It is the basis for why we must tell HIS Story about HIS faithfulness and HIS love. Her Name Was Jane! Jane was loved by God, and she accepted that love and loved him back with all her heart. Jane's life's desire was to serve God, and she did. Until her dying day—and beyond—her life has been used to bring glory to God.

Five years.

For five years God had been preparing us for this very moment—the year 2007. He prepared my husband and me by having us go to a specific nursing home every Christmas morning. God knew that five years down the road HE was going to speak to us through a godly woman named Jane who lived there. Of all the years we went to that nursing home we never went down the hall where Jane lived.  We always went the opposite direction so we didn't even know Jane existed.

Five years.

We were alone on Christmas mornings. Our daughter lived in another state and our Christmas celebration with our son's family was on Christmas Eve. We decided that since we were free on Christmas mornings we ought to give of ourselves to those less fortunate, and we decided to go to a nursing home. We chose a specific nursing home because at that time it wasn't the most popular one in the area. We figured that some of the other local nursing homes probably had more people visiting during the Christmas season. Besides, my husband's Grandma had spent a few months there many years prior. So, off we went. For the first years we took a basket with fruit and Little Debbie snacks and would go room to room visiting with the residents. In later years we would spend time with the residents playing Bingo and helping them open their gifts. What stories we have. The gentleman that tried to con my husband out of his watch (he had a whole drawer full); the lady who was trying to remember "what do you call the stuff that you put on cereal in the morning" (sugar) and then she said, "I know... it is the United States of America"; the young man who had walked away from church as a teenager that we could now encourage and pray for. All those years of going—no Jane.

What If:

• We had not decided to start going to the nursing home five years ago? When the unexpected storm caught us off guard in early 2007, I knew exactly where I was supposed to go.
• I was too ashamed to be seen in public after that first upsetting meeting and sleepless night?
• I had refused to listen to the Holy Spirit's prompting to go do something for someone else?
• I had not been asked to wait for the Activity Director that morning? I would have never went down Jane's hallway.
• I had never met Jane?
• I did not listen to the Holy Spirit prompting me to go back and see Jane every week?
• Jane was not treated for her bladder infection? 
• Jane wasn't willing and ready to be used by God even in her 80's and while stuck in a nursing home alone?
• We had not received God's words through Jane?
• Jane had not told us to read Psalm 150 and Psalm 140 just days after our world was turned upside down?
• We had not understood the importance of Psalm 150? Praising God first and foremost.
• Jane had not told us to read Isaiah 30, just days before a critical meeting? What if she had not said, read the part about "wait on the Lord" again.
• Jane had not told me to memorize Psalm 1 in early 2008?
• Jane had not told me to read Jeremiah 33 just days before she died? One year to the day later God miraculously protected us and released us from a large financial obligation.    

For sixteen months God used Jane to succinctly speak His messages of Purpose, Praise, Promise, Provision, Path, and Protection. Messages sent directly to us from God Himself through the lips of Jane E. Wolfe. Every single word Jane spoke directed me to the Word of God. 

What if? 
What if we weren't already grounded followers of God?
What if God would not have blessed our lives with Jane?
What if God had not guided us or walked with us on this journey?

We most certainly would have failed.

No mere words will ever be enough to thank the God of heaven for reaching down and impacting our lives with His Words. All we can do is thank Him by living our lives in a way that honors Him. We have to tell HIS Story.

Praise God—ALL Glory and Honor belong to HIM. 

Addendum:  9/25/13 ~ To read more of how God impacted our lives through Jane go to: Walking By Faith: A True Story of God's Faithfulness. 


Next Entry: Exodus 23:1 – 24:18 (Continued)

Genesis 24:1 – 25:18

December 11, 2009

God planted the seed for what was going to happen in these chapters in Genesis 22:20–24. 

Abraham was faithful and true to God's revealed plan. He did not compromise. Contrast his actions to Lot who chose to live near (and then in) Sodom; daughters engaged to marry men of Sodom; and then Lot delaying in leaving Sodom. Abraham stood firm in his belief and made sure that neither he nor his house (Isaac) compromised on what God had told him. He was diligent in making sure Isaac remained in the land God promised and did not marry outside of their people.

Even though you have God's promises you still need to pray for His guidance and follow His ways.  

Verse 12 - LORD, allow me to find... (LORD. Jehovah Jireh—the name attributed to the LORD who provided the lamb when Isaac was upon the altar. Jehovah Jireh—"our provider.")
Verse 15 - "Before he finished praying ... ." When we do our part God answers.
Verse 21 - The servant wanted to make sure the LORD had made the trip successful.
Verse 27 - The servant praised the LORD...
Verse 34 - "The LORD has greatly blessed..."
Verse 40 - "I serve the LORD...."
Verse 44 - "The LORD has chosen..."
Verse 48 - "The LORD...led me on the right road..."
Verse 50 - "This is clearly from the LORD..."

God rewards obedience. The answer to all the "what-ifs" in our lives—I serve the LORD. Jehovah Jireh. HE is our Provider.

To know God's will you must know what His Word (the Bible) says.

The key roles in reading the Bible are prayer and the leading of the Holy Spirit. 

Addendum:  9/3/13 ~ From Life Lesson Observation: In God's will we find successful living. God's way may be harder than the world's way but He rewards obedience.

"If you want God's will, give Him your total self—a living sacrifice—and that means your body and your thoughts, your mind, which He can renew from within, if you let Him...

The guidance of God's Word is primary, basic. It's interesting to note that many of us say we are interested in God's will, but we balk at checking our plans and habits against the plain teaching of the Bible. How can you say you are seeking God's will, if you don't know what the Bible says? This is like going to someone for advice but not letting him talk. You actually want him to agree with everything you say...

The witness of the Holy Spirit comes as you walk in the Spirit. Prayer is vital here. It's unfortunate that we have made "I'll have to pray about it" something of a cliché. Maybe we should change the phrase to "I will talk to God about it." With God, not at God. Some prayer lists sound like Christmas lists. Others sound like assignments that God should carry out because we are "so spiritual, so deserving"...

Take a look at outward circumstances LAST...

But suppose you feel you have the Word and the Spirit lined up fairly well. How do you evaluate or act upon circumstances? This can be intriguing, exciting. For one thing you have to act in faith on what you already know. Is it evident that there are certain actions that would be worth taking? Some people call this "trying different doors." Sometimes God will slam shut every door but the one He wants you to walk through. You may have to try several doors to learn which is the right one.

No, God's will doesn't drop out of the blue in a special delivery letter. But He has written to you—in His Word. He will talk to you, with the inner witness of His Spirit. And He will guide you as you weigh outward circumstances.

You can be "very religious" about these three checkpoints...or you can use them like a Christian, in faith, trust, and commitment. Then you will see from your own experience how God's ways will really satisfy you." ~ From How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious by Fritz Ridenour 

Next Entry: Genesis 25:19–34