The Land In-Between

July 12, 2014

Well... it's over. Our goal of section hiking the Appalachian Trail is over. Permanently. Talk about a total blindside. There are tears running down my cheeks as I write this.

I didn't see this one coming. What is going on?!?

My husband and I have just returned from section hiking a portion of the Appalachian Trail in central Pennsylvania. We drove out to PA on July 4th. After several days of hiking and enjoying the peace and solitude of the Appalachian Trail, a brand new thought emerged. We were sitting outside on the patio enjoying a wonderful breakfast at the Red Cardinal Bed and Breakfast. It was a beautiful morning. As my husband and I were talking, I heard a statement come out of my mouth that shocked me. I said, "I realize we will never be able to complete the Appalachian Trail."

What? Not complete the trail? Where did that come from?

Had I seriously thought we would be able to complete the entire 2,200 miles of the Appalachian Trail? Yes. That was my goal. I'd never even considered the possibility of not finishing. I fully expected to section hike the entire A.T. footpath from Springer Mountain in Georgia, to Mount Katadhin in Maine.

I started to list the logical reasons on why it was not going to be possible to complete the trail.

1. We can't afford it. Because of "the storm" we can't afford to keep going out to the trail to do a week of time here, and a week of time there. 
2. We don't have the time. It would require doing several sections a year for longer periods of time. Because of my husband's business responsibilities, we don't have the ability to be gone for weeks at a time.   
3. We promised to take each one of our grandchildren hiking with us the year they turned ten. We can't do what we promised our grandchildren (the oldest turns ten next year, so it would be for the next three consecutive years and then two more years soon after) and fulfill our personal goals at the same time. They can't possibly put in the daily miles it would require to help us meet our goals. Besides, many of the areas we hike are just too difficult or dangerous.
4. We are getting older. We are running out of time. In ten years, we've only made it to the trail five times. Realistically, there just is no way we are going to be able to complete the trail without being able to do weeks or months at a time. 

I said, "We can't realistically section hike the whole Appalachian Trail. Maybe we could hike some of the trail in each state." Not the fulfillment of my goal, but at least I would be hiking some in each state. 

It was going to be hard to give up my dream. For you to be able to understand why giving up the dream of section hiking the Appalachian Trail was so difficult for me, I should probably share why I loved it so much and the significance of our other trips to the trail.

My love of the outdoors and spending time exploring in the woods began in childhood. During times of conflict or stress in the family, I would often retreat to the woods. The woods—with its towering trees and calm gentle breezes, was where I felt safe. The woods—with singing birds and wildlife, brought me peace and contentment. I loved everything about my time spent in the woods. The sun rays coming through the trees at daybreak. The flute like sound of a wood thrush piercing the stillness of the air. The peace. The quiet. The solitude. The surprising discoveries. The aimlessly wandering while lost in thought.

With each changing season there was always something new to discover in the woods. Spring—morel mushrooms and jack-in-the-pulpits; mayflower umbrellas; purple beds of wild violets; the sounds of birdsong as the earth awakens from its winter slumber; the earthy smell after a spring rain. Summer—lush green flora and warm breezes; sunlight peeking through the canopy of trees; the whispering sound of pine needles swaying in the wind; the sight of small curious forest animals scampering through the trees. Fall—fresh, crisp and clear air; colorful yellow, orange, and red leaves painted against the backdrop of vivid blue skies; falling leaves floating lazily to the ground; the rustling of leaves in the wind and beneath your feet; the persistent loud call of the blue jay. Winter—dark silhouettes of bare trees; animal tracks in new-fallen snow; the stillness as the earth sleeps; cold air and misty clouds of breath; the crunching sound of snow; a red cardinal in a picturesque wonderland.    

The sights. The sounds. The smells. The memories. The woods.

To get away and retreat to the forests of the Appalachia mountains felt relaxing and therapeutic to me. There is a feeling of relief and relaxation when you get alone with nature and get away from the distractions, demands, and disappointments in life. Working up a sweat while climbing mountains and hiking the strenuous trails, just felt cleansing. When IT happened, getting away to hike the A.T. became even more therapeutic. It was a welcome respite from "the storm." Hiking the trail over mountains, across the valleys, and through the forests brought feelings of safety, stability and comfort to my life. It kept me balanced. No matter what else happened or changed in my life, the forest and the well-worn footpath of the Appalachian Trail was still there. It was something I could count on. It had no hidden agendas or ulterior motives. It could be trusted.

The Appalachian Trail was like a faithful old friend.

The first time I hiked a section of the A.T. was in 2004. I celebrated my 50th birthday by taking two trips (one with four of my girlfriends and one with my husband) to the Appalachian Trail in Shenandoah National Park. In 2005, my husband and I went back and hiked the state of Maryland.

In early 2007, "the storm" began to brew. My world was turned upside down. I'm not sure how we found the time, but in July of 2007, my husband and I headed out to do another section hike in lower Pennsylvania. It was my fourth trip to the trail. I remember the rush of emotions as we once again stepped foot on the well-worn footpath of the A.T. I can still vividly picture it in my mind. I was "home" again. I felt safe, and I burst into tears. My husband and I stood there, just inside the edge of the woods, and embraced. After all we had been through the solitude and peacefulness of the forest quieted our spirits and brought us comfort. We walked. We prayed. We cried out to God for His help, His guidance, and His protection. We sought His will and His wisdom.

It felt good to be back in the serenity of the woods.

After several days of hiking and exploring the local area, our lawyer called with the disappointing news; our plan for a peaceful solution to the conflict with my sister and brother-in-law was flatly rejected. He strongly felt my sister and brother-in-law were not interested in seeking an amicable resolution to our conflict. He felt they were preparing to file a lawsuit—and that is what they did.

Because of "the storm" we didn't make it back to the Appalachian Trail for the next five years. Then in 2012, my daughter-in-law said she wasn't going to need me to watch the kids the first week of July. She said, "Why don't you take some time off and go somewhere?" It was totally unexpected. What would we do? Where would we go? The idea of returning to hike more of the Appalachian Trail had been pushed far back in my mind. Dare I even dream of going back? Was it even possible?

God opened the doors, and we went. We all joked that it wasn't going to be pretty when I first stepped back on the familiar footpath of the Appalachian Trial. Well, the tears began flowing long before we hit the trail. The tears, praying, praising, and reminiscing started pretty much as soon as we pulled out of our drive.

As we drove, my husband and I talked about how and when my crazy notion to section hike the Appalachian Trail began. My out-of-the-blue idea to hike the Appalachian Trail began at about the same time (2002) that we also decided to begin going to a nursing home on Christmas mornings. At the time I had no idea the Appalachian Trail was going to become an integral part of God's plan. I had no idea God was going to use a nursing home as the setting for where HIS plan would come to fruition. I had no idea God was scripting a plan to bring Jane E. Wolfe's life and my life together. I had no idea Jane's and my shared love of the Appalachian Trail would be what God used to show me my encounter with Jane was not mere happenstance. The intersection of our lives was a God-arranged and God-ordained divine appointment for a higher purpose. The trail permanently linked Jane and I together.

The well-worn footpath of the Appalachian Trail was part of HIS greater plan.

As my husband and I continued to talk and reminisce, we began to recount the many, many ways God had protected us and provided for us from the time "the storm" first began to build on the horizon to when it became a full-fledged violent and dangerous storm. We talked about the time we were walking in such a deep fog that we were blinded to everything around us; we could only see far enough ahead to take one step at a time. My husband was fervently praying for God to show us He was with us when suddenly the fog parted and opened up like a tunnel in front of us while the fog still enveloped us to the side and behind. The sun shown brightly and cast its beautiful rays through a small grove of trees which had become visible in the clearing. The brightness of the sun lasted for several seconds and then the sky closed back up and the small grove of trees disappeared as the fog once again closed in around us. We will never forget that day. As we recounted other ways we had so clearly seen the Hand of God we became overwhelmed with emotion. The more we talked, the more we began to understand. We were humbled and grateful for HIS amazing love and HIS protecting hand.

Our 2012 trip to the A.T. was when I realized for the very first time that my random idea to hike the Appalachian Trail wasn't some crazy notion I came up with. It wasn't my idea; it was all part of God's plan. God used something as ordinary as the Appalachian Trail to teach me new concepts—HIS concepts. It was also during this trip that I suddenly knew we were to start praying about a New Beginning. I had no idea what the "New Beginning" meant, but I knew we were to begin praying about it. So we did, even though we didn't know the why behind it, or what it meant.

Several weeks after we returned home from our 2012 trip to the trail, a new thought came to me. I suddenly knew we were to remove from our home the large volume of lawsuit paperwork and other material which had accumulated during the five years of battling "the storm." At first I thought, "But, how can we do that? The lawsuit is still ongoing." There was a lull in "the storm," but it seemed crazy to store things away before it was over. We absolutely believed God's promises of protection, but still, wasn't it crazy to remove everything from our home before the lawsuit was actually over?

There was also the fear of what-if? What-if storing things away triggers "the storm" to pick back up even stronger than before? We had become accustomed to (and thankful for) the lull in the barrage of nastiness. But, removing the lawsuit debris was something I knew we were supposed to do. So, we gathered the courage, put our what-if fears aside, and packed into industrial size boxes everything associated with the lawsuit. It was so incredibly freeing to have all the toxic materials removed from our home even though "the storm" continued on. We didn't know what the "New Beginning" was or what it was going to be, but we knew it was coming. Without us even realizing it, God was slowly revealing our next steps. The New Beginning—was beginning.

Two years passed, and now it's 2014. The seven year anniversary of when my sister and brother-in-law filed their lawsuit against us was fast approaching. My husband and I decided to mark the anniversary by once again going to PA to hike another section of the Appalachian Trail. As we were driving, my husband and I were talking about God's incredible faithfulness. We remarked how last time (2012), we felt our trip to the A.T. was a time of reflection and preparation. This time (2014), the trip felt like a time of celebration. That seemed a little odd to us. Why would this trip feel like a celebration when we are still caught up in the middle of "the storm"? We were exhausted from caring for my husband's parents, and we were grateful to be getting away for a few days—but celebration? What does that mean?

After several wonderful days of hiking, I was surprised to hear the words, "I realize we will never be able to complete the Appalachian Trail" come out of my mouth. What did that mean? What was going on? We are hiking on the footpath God put us on!! Why are things changing? How is the ending of a long held dream and goal a celebration?

We had just a few more days to hike before we needed to head back home. The plan was already set for where we were going to hike next. We were going to finish the last section into Duncannon. But, before we did that section, we decided to take a day off and drive up a little farther to the area where Jane grew up and lived—Lickdale and Lebanon, PA.

Oh my. I loved exploring the area where Jane grew up. What a gift to be able to visualize Jane's account of her childhood as detailed in the assignment she wrote entitled An Ever-Widening Path. I could imagine Jane as a teenager exploring the flora of the trail like detailed in the fictional story she wrote entitled The Silent Challenge. I could see with my own eyes what Jane saw; I could experience for myself what Jane experienced. It was very emotional day. We were walking in Jane's footsteps while hiking on the same A.T. footpath Jane loved and hiked.

The Appalachian Trail crosses the Swatara Creek on an old iron bridge a short distance from where Jane lived as a child. As we stood on the bridge, watching the swift waters of the Swatara Creek flow by, we thanked God for blessing our lives with Jane and for using her to speak to us. We prayed the God-given chapters Jane told us to read: Psalm 150, Psalm 140, Psalm 1, and Psalm 8. We prayed the prayer of Jabez, asking God to bless us and to enlarge our sphere of influence. As my husband and I stood there in silence, mesmerized by the flowing water of the Swatara Creek, a new thought suddenly became clear to both of us. A new reality. We knew that our journey on the Appalachian Trail was over. God was telling us that it was time to get off the footpath of the A.T. Our compromise plan of hiking some of the trail in each state wasn't going to happen.

I was faced with abandoning my dream and facing a new painful reality—our journey of hiking the Appalachian Trail was over.

God used the correlations between hiking the trail and following HIS footpath to teach me so many life lessons. I loved every minute of it. The hiking. The planning. The sweating. The aloneness with nature. The welcome respite from "the storm." The familiarity and the solitude of the trail brought me comfort and soothed my soul. God put us on the A.T. footpath. Why was He now taking us off? My husband and I stood on the old iron bridge and shed a few tears. We kept looking at each other asking, "What does this mean?" We crossed the bridge and in silence followed the Appalachian Trail a short distance to the east of Swatara Creek and then turned around and followed the trail a short distance to the west. We picked up a stone to bring home. Then reluctantly, we turned, and we left the trail behind.

The thought of leaving the trail was crushing.

As we were driving back to where we were staying in Carlisle, a large severe thunderstorm began to develop. The storm was just to the west of the Interstate we were driving on. There were flashing signs along the highway warning of the impending danger. We had about 25 miles to go before we reached our destination. The sky looked ominous, but God held off the storm until we safely reached the Red Cardinal Bed and Breakfast, where we were staying. Then it hit, and boy did it hit. The hardest hit area was where we planned to hike next. There was wide spread devastation. Trees and electric lines were down and homes were damaged. There was no way it was going to be feasible to hike in our planned area because of all the downed trees and destruction. I was distraught. I knew this journey was going to end—but seriously!?! Don't I get to hike one more time on this trip? Don't I get to say a final good-bye to my faithful old friend—the Appalachian Trail?

The emotions of giving up my dream of hiking the Appalachian Trail hit me. We went to bed. My husband held me as I laid in the bed and just sobbed. My heart felt broken. I couldn't sleep so I got out of bed to look at the trail map. We were limited in where we could go to hike because we were no longer going to have the rental car to shuttle us from one point to another. For the first time, I looked at the area on the map that was just to the east of where Jane grew up. I found a spot where we could park and hike to the east for several miles to an overlook and then hike back out. There also was another overlook to the west of the parking area.

That is what we would do. We would go back and hike the land where Jane hiked. We would spend our last day walking in her footsteps. 

We had one day to wait. We spent the day driving to some of our favorite spots and exploring new areas around the Cumberland Valley. We'd grown to love the Carlisle, PA area and we realized we probably would not be coming back this way again. It was a very bittersweet day. I felt numb and in a daze. Most of the day was spent in reflective silence as we drove the back roads of the valley. Way back when I first began to think about hiking the trail, I ordered the books and maps for three areas: Northern Virginia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania. I was going to order more books and maps as I needed them. Well, it turns out the original maps were the only ones we were ever going to need.

I always thought we would take each grandchild with us so they could experience section hiking the Appalachian Trail. Now I realized that we would still take each one of them with us, but we would not be exploring new areas in our quest to finish the trail. We would instead take them to the footpaths we walked during this seven year "storm" time in our lives and we would share with them how God used the well-worn footpath of the A.T. to teach us about HIS footpath. We would show them the blazes and teach them the lessons we've learned. We would be sharing with our grandchildren our faith journey, not our Appalachian Trail journey.   

The day for our last hike on the Appalachian Trail finally came. After another wonderful breakfast at the B&B, we headed out. It was my 60th birthday. We found the parking place I found on the map two nights before. We parked the truck and started hiking. It was the rockiest trail we have ever hiked on. We met a hiker who had severely sprained his ankle and was hobbling back to the roadway. He warned us to watch out for poisonous snakes; he had just passed some sunning themselves on the rocks. The trail was like a boulder field. You literally had to carefully place each footstep because of the many irregular shaped and jagged rocks. It was difficult and very slow going, but we finally made it to the overlook. It was nice to rest and look out over the valley below. After eating a snack, we turned around and headed back to the roadway. We picked up another rock to take home. It was settled in our minds, it was time to get off the Appalachian Trail; it was time to move on.

As we crossed the road to hike the trail a short distance to the west, we ran into a gentleman from Ohio who was thru hiking. (Hike it Forward - Dr. D. on the A.T.) We met him south of Duncannon a few days before. We asked him where he was during the storm. We told him we said a prayer for him and the other hikers who were out in it. He said he was on the crest of the mountain and it was very windy, but he thought, "God is my protector," and he rolled over and went to sleep. I love that. When you hike a trail, whether it be the Appalachian Trail or your own personal faith trail, you cannot be afraid or you will not be successful. That doesn't mean you press forward with reckless and foolish abandon. You have to prepare and do your part, but then you have to let go, surrender, and trust. Before Dr. D. took his first step on the A.T. footpath, he hiked more miles than the entire length of the trail (2200+ miles) in preparation for the journey.

We wished Dr. D success on making it to Mount Katadhin, and then we continued on our path. The dense growth of trees suddenly opened up and we could see the sun shining through a clearing in the woods ahead of us. As we got closer to the opening we were stunned by the beauty of the view. Large boulders lay exposed, spilling down the side of the mountain and opening the trail up to a beautiful and stunning 180 degree panoramic view of the valley below us. We sat down on the boulders and gazed out over the valley. We sat there in solitude for at least 45 minutes. We again quoted Psalm 150, Psalm 140, Psalm 1, and Psalm 8. From the mountain top we watched the ravens soaring beneath us, their shadows dancing over the tree tops as they floated over the valley spread out before us. It was just incredibly beautiful. A rooster crowed in the distance. We looked at each other and said, "What a perfect place and way to end our hiking." 

God chose to end our Appalachian Trail journey by showing us that valley experiences are beautiful when you view them from a higher perspective. Incredibly, we learned this new Truth in the exact area Jane would have sat and contemplated the beauty of the Father's hand as well. 

God's new plan for our lives was a total blindside and a tearful process, but we were at peace. We thanked God for giving us such an unexpected gift, and then we got up and walked back to the truck. We walked away and left the trail behind. That chapter of our lives had come to an end.

When we felt God was directing us to begin praying about a New Beginning (in July of 2012), we had no idea that two years later it was going to mean a painful ending. God was letting us know it was time to move on. Following HIS footpath no longer included hiking the Appalachian Trail footpath; the direction of HIS footpath was changing. 

What is going on?

We don't know. As I was writing this entry, three different times I accidentally misspelled the word "trail" and typed "trial" instead. The only other time I can ever recall doing that is when I was writing about The Journey: Part One on July 1st. Following the footpath "trail" of the Appalachian Trail is over, but HIS footpath continues. Maybe God is preparing us for when our seven year "trial" ends and The New Beginning: The Path Unfolds begins.

We are in The Land In-Between—the valley between the mountains—and it is beautiful land. We will continue to wait for the fulfillment of God's promises. The fulfillment of His promises are in the future; the TRUTH of His promises are past tense and written in stone. While we await the fulfillment of His promises, there is no doubt in our mind about the truth of His promises or His faithfulness. He has the power to do what He has promised.

There is almost an excitement in the air. It is a time of celebration! A celebration of the past and the anticipation of a New Beginning. We are ready to move on one step at a time. We believe God is showing us it is time to let go. 

 

Remember where you came from. Look forward. There is a new plan. Embrace the future. 

On the drive home from PA, my husband said he felt it was time to start planning and building the arbor/pavilion with the stone wall and fireplace that will memorialize what the LORD has done. We've always said that when it was the right time, God would let us know. Well, it's the right time. The planning has begun. The rocks, which will be engraved with the scriptures Jane told us to read, are being chosen and the building of the walls will soon begin. We WILL remember. The stories of God's faithfulness WILL be remembered and told.

Addendum: 8/14/14 ~ I've been thinking about something the innkeeper at the Bed and Breakfast said to me. We spent five days staying in their lovely home in Carlisle, PA and on our last day there she said to me, "You are the calmest people we have ever had stay here." You've just read what we were going through at the exact time she viewed us as being calm. And then it hit me, we were calm! We have learned what it means to be calm even in the midst of a storm. NOTHING we go through changes these facts: we are a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords; we are loved by Him; and nothing else matters. Hallelujah! That is enough. That is more than enough.

I say we have learned what it means to be calm at ALL times because it is not something that comes naturally. It ONLY comes when you are willing to learn what it means to be totally surrendered to God and whatever HIS will is for your life. That doesn't mean there is a giddy flippant attitude of reckless nonchalance. It's not that at all. It was a very emotional and difficult time trying to understand the change of course and God's new plan for our lives, but at NO TIME did we ever feel alone, abandoned, abused, or neglected by our Savior. We trust HIM—period. And that is what gives us the ability to remain calm and have peace in ALL circumstances, whatever they may be.

Addendum #2: 8/15/14 ~ Well... we've just had another opportunity to feel God's calm in the midst of difficult situations. Last afternoon, around 5:00 p.m., a pickup pulled into our drive and delivered us unbelievable news. They are in the initial phase of planning a gas trunk line through our property. What?? Where on earth did this come from? It was the first time we were aware that a trunk line was even being considered. The installation of a new trunk line would swallow up a large section of land and would have a serious impact on our business.

We called our son to tell him what was going on. Then he told us about his horrible day. One of our tractors came within seconds of burning to the ground. Literally. Our son had to shovel a tremendous amount of dirt onto the tracks in an intense situation to save it from being destroyed. His hand was burned, but otherwise the LORD protected his health. The damage to the tractor appears to be minimal in comparison to what it could have been.

If that wasn't enough, this morning a live tree broke off about five feet above the ground and fell from the east to the west on one of our buildings causing several thousands of dollars in damage, even though there was no wind, no storm, and the tree was alive, solid, and healthy. 

BUT—understand this!!! We will not give up, give in, or give out. God has provided for us in the past, and HE will provide for us in the future. Our faith is in HIM! We will continue on. I am SO thankful and grateful for how we have all handled all that is coming our way. There is certain evidence that we aren't who we used to be. We aren't lying awake at night, we don't feel stress, and we aren't anxious. Not because of any skill or effort of our own. No. It is ONLY because of the change in our hearts. A decision to follow Christ—no matter what. I fully believe that God will soon be showing us how He is going to "uphold the cause of the needy."  The opposition heats up the closer it comes to God getting ALL the honor and glory for ALL He has done and will do.

Even through all of this, we still have the peace of God and the calmness that comes from knowing you are on HIS footpath. I was thinking about that this morning. IF ONLY people could understand this in whatever difficulties they are facing. It isn't a trial. It is an opportunity!  It is a trail to follow. Don't try to pray your "trials" away. Prayer is vital in humbling ourselves before Him and in surrendering our will to His will, but many people "use" prayer to try to avoid whatever trial or pain they are facing. As a result, important learning opportunities are missed. 

Face your "trial"! Embrace the trail! Surrender to His path!! Follow His lead!!!

Addendum #3: October 2014 ~ A few months after I wrote this entry and the subsequent updates, God began to reveal why we were to let go of the past, look forward, and embrace the future. No wonder there was so much opposition happening in our personal lives. The enemy was trying to create confusion and discouragement. Praise the Lord, his tactics didn't work!! See: LORD – What Am I to Do?


Next Entry: II Chronicles 11:18 – 15:19