November 27, 2012
The conversion of Saul. A total about face. Saul went from being obsessed with persecuting his enemies (followers of Christ) to being totally passionate about telling others about Christ. You don't go from begin obsessed with harming others to the polar opposite of passionately telling others about Christ without a defining moment; a conversion; a change of heart; a new way of thinking. It is the only way! There is no other way.
Saul was on a mission. He was threatening. His goal was to destroy the followers. He was aggressive. He was actively seeking out those who dared to believe in the Christ. He was committed to his cause. He was seeking to devour, destroy, and kill—words that sound a lot like the description of Satan's motives and actions. He was on a mission, and he was hell-bent on completing it. He had no doubts and no regrets. He was in the middle of his plan when God stopped him with a bright light. It stopped him in his tracks. Saul fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, "Saul, Saul! Why are you persecuting me?" (Acts 9:4) When someone sets out to devour and destroy a follower of Christ, it is the same as persecuting Christ himself. That statement ought to make all of us fall on our faces before God for Him to search our own hearts. Saul responds by saying, "Who are you, Lord?" The voice answered, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Get up now and go into the city. Someone there will tell you what you must do." (Acts 9:5) Get up—go! When God stops us in our tracks we need to listen for His directions because He has a plan!
Saul got up from the ground and opened his eyes but he couldn't see. The people who were with him took him by the hand and led him to Damascus. For three days Saul could not see and did not eat or drink. Three days—the same amount of time that Jesus was in the grave. For three days Jesus kept Saul from being able to see. His independence was removed from him. Being self-reliant and believing in his own ways instead of submitting his will to God's will and becoming God-reliant was the very thing that caused him trouble in the first place. You have to wonder what would have happened if the blinding moment lasted just a few minutes. Would there have been a permanent change or would the change only been temporary? I suspect it would have only been temporary. God knows what we need. It is after "the dark days" that God can use us.
Yesterday I wrote about the divine appointment between Philip and the officer. Today there is a divine appointment between Ananias and Saul. There was a follower of Christ named Ananias. The Lord called his name. "Ananias!" And his response was, "Here I am Lord." He was ready and willing to be used by God. The Lord said, "Get up and go..." Then God gave him very specific directions. (See God's specific directions in Mark 11:3) God even told him what the man he was looking for was doing, thinking, and what the result of his visit would be.
Ananias answered: Lord, what you are asking me to do doesn't make sense. I've heard about this person. I know the reason he is here in Damascus is to cause harm to your people. Surely you don't want me to go see him?!? The Lord responded: Go—I have a plan. So Ananias went. He obeyed God even if it didn't appear to make any sense. He laid hands on Saul and said, "Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus sent me. He is the one you saw on the road on the way here. He sent me so that you can see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." (Acts 9:17) And immediately, Saul's eyes were opened and he could see again! Then Saul got up, was baptized, and he began to eat and regain his strength. He was a different man. He was blind but now he could see. He was lost, but now he was found. The old was gone and the new began.
God still arranges divine appointments today. We need to obedient—and GO! I have sometimes wondered, "What if?" What if on the morning of January 05, 2007, when God told me to GO, I had not went? What if I had listed all the reasons why it wasn't a convenient time for me? I haven't slept all night, Lord; I look a mess; my eyes are red and swollen; I've just been hurt by someone I love; I'm busy; I'm this...; I'm that...; I... I... I. What if? What if I had refused to do what I KNEW the Lord was prompting me to do? What if? Oh, how I shudder to think how my life would have been different for the past almost six years now. The divine appointment with Jane would have been missed. God's blessings would have been missed, and the experience of seeing God's hand work in our lives would have been missed. I can't even begin to put it into words. I want to always listen for God's voice and be obedient to HIS words.
Saul was a changed man. He went from trying to harm the followers of Christ to staying with them and standing up in the synagogues proclaiming that, "Jesus is the Son of God." What a change. What a radical revolution in his life. All the people were amazed. How can this be? This is the same guy who was trying to destroy those who trusted in the name of Jesus. This is the same guy who came here to arrest the followers of Jesus and take them back to the priests. It was the same man on the outside but a totally different person on the inside. His testimony was so strong that no one could argue with him or refute it. So, if you can't argue with it or refute it what do you do? Surrender and believe yourself? No. They plotted to kill him and set traps for him. God revealed the evil plans, and he escaped to safety. Saul went back to Jerusalem.
The apostles weren't sure if they could trust Saul. Who could blame them? They had seen with their own eyes this man's deeds. They were afraid of him and didn't believe he was really who he "said" he was. But Barnabus accepted him and showed the others how Saul's life was changed. These weren't just words he was saying. His actions matched his words. There was proof he was a changed man. So they accepted him and he boldly proclaimed the Good News of Christ. The apostles became his strong supporters, protecting him from those who were seeking his harm.
The church had a time of peace and became stronger. Acts 9:31 - "Respecting the Lord by the way they lived, and being encouraged by the Holy Spirit, the group of believers continued to grow." The power of the Holy Spirit was continuing to use Peter to heal the sick and to raise the dead. ALL for the purpose of bringing honor and glory to the name of the Lord. The people saw the miracles and many, many people believed in the Lord.
Several weeks ago I was thinking about "what ifs" again? What if I received a phone call? What if I was told my sister was ill or needed help? Would I go? Would I still try to help her? The answer is: YES. I would still go. I would be wise and not go alone, but I would go. The only way I would not go is if God clearly showed me that I was to step aside and the answer was no. I clearly understand that I may not be given that opportunity, but I am willing. God already gave me the opportunity to say all I needed to say when my journal from Genesis to II Chronicles was sent to her during discovery. What looked disastrous at the time was actually a gift to me (and her) from God. God gave me a voice through my written words. He put in their hands our prayers and concern for them. I will be forever grateful for that gift.
My conscious is clear. I can only control my life choices. The result of their life choices is out of my hands. We will continue to pray. We will continue to hope. But ultimately, it is between them and God. And that is enough. We will trust HIM. We will serve HIM. We are following HIS path—wherever it leads.
I Am No Longer a Slave to Fear and We Will Not Be Shaken.
Next Entry: Acts 10:1 – 11:30
The conversion of Saul. A total about face. Saul went from being obsessed with persecuting his enemies (followers of Christ) to being totally passionate about telling others about Christ. You don't go from begin obsessed with harming others to the polar opposite of passionately telling others about Christ without a defining moment; a conversion; a change of heart; a new way of thinking. It is the only way! There is no other way.
Saul was on a mission. He was threatening. His goal was to destroy the followers. He was aggressive. He was actively seeking out those who dared to believe in the Christ. He was committed to his cause. He was seeking to devour, destroy, and kill—words that sound a lot like the description of Satan's motives and actions. He was on a mission, and he was hell-bent on completing it. He had no doubts and no regrets. He was in the middle of his plan when God stopped him with a bright light. It stopped him in his tracks. Saul fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, "Saul, Saul! Why are you persecuting me?" (Acts 9:4) When someone sets out to devour and destroy a follower of Christ, it is the same as persecuting Christ himself. That statement ought to make all of us fall on our faces before God for Him to search our own hearts. Saul responds by saying, "Who are you, Lord?" The voice answered, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Get up now and go into the city. Someone there will tell you what you must do." (Acts 9:5) Get up—go! When God stops us in our tracks we need to listen for His directions because He has a plan!
Saul got up from the ground and opened his eyes but he couldn't see. The people who were with him took him by the hand and led him to Damascus. For three days Saul could not see and did not eat or drink. Three days—the same amount of time that Jesus was in the grave. For three days Jesus kept Saul from being able to see. His independence was removed from him. Being self-reliant and believing in his own ways instead of submitting his will to God's will and becoming God-reliant was the very thing that caused him trouble in the first place. You have to wonder what would have happened if the blinding moment lasted just a few minutes. Would there have been a permanent change or would the change only been temporary? I suspect it would have only been temporary. God knows what we need. It is after "the dark days" that God can use us.
Yesterday I wrote about the divine appointment between Philip and the officer. Today there is a divine appointment between Ananias and Saul. There was a follower of Christ named Ananias. The Lord called his name. "Ananias!" And his response was, "Here I am Lord." He was ready and willing to be used by God. The Lord said, "Get up and go..." Then God gave him very specific directions. (See God's specific directions in Mark 11:3) God even told him what the man he was looking for was doing, thinking, and what the result of his visit would be.
Ananias answered: Lord, what you are asking me to do doesn't make sense. I've heard about this person. I know the reason he is here in Damascus is to cause harm to your people. Surely you don't want me to go see him?!? The Lord responded: Go—I have a plan. So Ananias went. He obeyed God even if it didn't appear to make any sense. He laid hands on Saul and said, "Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus sent me. He is the one you saw on the road on the way here. He sent me so that you can see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." (Acts 9:17) And immediately, Saul's eyes were opened and he could see again! Then Saul got up, was baptized, and he began to eat and regain his strength. He was a different man. He was blind but now he could see. He was lost, but now he was found. The old was gone and the new began.
God still arranges divine appointments today. We need to obedient—and GO! I have sometimes wondered, "What if?" What if on the morning of January 05, 2007, when God told me to GO, I had not went? What if I had listed all the reasons why it wasn't a convenient time for me? I haven't slept all night, Lord; I look a mess; my eyes are red and swollen; I've just been hurt by someone I love; I'm busy; I'm this...; I'm that...; I... I... I. What if? What if I had refused to do what I KNEW the Lord was prompting me to do? What if? Oh, how I shudder to think how my life would have been different for the past almost six years now. The divine appointment with Jane would have been missed. God's blessings would have been missed, and the experience of seeing God's hand work in our lives would have been missed. I can't even begin to put it into words. I want to always listen for God's voice and be obedient to HIS words.
Saul was a changed man. He went from trying to harm the followers of Christ to staying with them and standing up in the synagogues proclaiming that, "Jesus is the Son of God." What a change. What a radical revolution in his life. All the people were amazed. How can this be? This is the same guy who was trying to destroy those who trusted in the name of Jesus. This is the same guy who came here to arrest the followers of Jesus and take them back to the priests. It was the same man on the outside but a totally different person on the inside. His testimony was so strong that no one could argue with him or refute it. So, if you can't argue with it or refute it what do you do? Surrender and believe yourself? No. They plotted to kill him and set traps for him. God revealed the evil plans, and he escaped to safety. Saul went back to Jerusalem.
The apostles weren't sure if they could trust Saul. Who could blame them? They had seen with their own eyes this man's deeds. They were afraid of him and didn't believe he was really who he "said" he was. But Barnabus accepted him and showed the others how Saul's life was changed. These weren't just words he was saying. His actions matched his words. There was proof he was a changed man. So they accepted him and he boldly proclaimed the Good News of Christ. The apostles became his strong supporters, protecting him from those who were seeking his harm.
The church had a time of peace and became stronger. Acts 9:31 - "Respecting the Lord by the way they lived, and being encouraged by the Holy Spirit, the group of believers continued to grow." The power of the Holy Spirit was continuing to use Peter to heal the sick and to raise the dead. ALL for the purpose of bringing honor and glory to the name of the Lord. The people saw the miracles and many, many people believed in the Lord.
*****
I have written many times before in this journal that we feel my sister and brother-in-law will either be like the Saul of the Old Testament or the Saul of the New Testament. I don't believe there is any middle ground. I truly believe it will end up like one or the other.
The Saul of the Old Testament was called by God, but somewhere along the way it became ALL about him and not about God. He clearly and willfully disobeyed God. God gave him so many chances to repent and sometimes it appeared he would, but it was only temporary changes, it was not a change of heart and a new way of thinking. He was jealous, revengeful, full of anger, paranoid, and suspicious—and he went to his grave that way. So many possibilities—so much wasted. If he would only have submitted to the authority of God instead of insisting upon being the god of his own life. Pride was his downfall. He tried to blame others, but he only had himself to blame.
His actions caused harm to many others. Sin does that. It sends out a ripple effect. But try as he might, he could not destroy David. Samuel made it clear to Saul (I Samuel 15 and I Samuel 15 Continued) that he could not blame his downfall on anyone else. I Samuel 15:22–23 - "What pleases God more: burnt offerings and sacrifices or obedience to his voice? It is better to obey than to sacrifice. It is better to listen to God than to offer the fat of sheep. Disobedience is as bad as the sin of sorcery. Pride is as bad as the sin of worshiping idols. You have rejected the Lord's command. Now he rejects you as king." The Lord tore the kingdom away from Saul and Samuel never saw Saul again for the rest of his life. This of course made Samuel very sad because he loved Saul. Then the Lord said to Samuel, "How long will you continue to feel sorry for Saul?" (I Samuel 16:1) This is between him and me and I reject him. Now get up and get on with what I want you to do—and Samuel obeyed. Saul never "got it" and died a broken defeated man—and Samuel moved on.
The Saul of the Old Testament was called by God, but somewhere along the way it became ALL about him and not about God. He clearly and willfully disobeyed God. God gave him so many chances to repent and sometimes it appeared he would, but it was only temporary changes, it was not a change of heart and a new way of thinking. He was jealous, revengeful, full of anger, paranoid, and suspicious—and he went to his grave that way. So many possibilities—so much wasted. If he would only have submitted to the authority of God instead of insisting upon being the god of his own life. Pride was his downfall. He tried to blame others, but he only had himself to blame.
His actions caused harm to many others. Sin does that. It sends out a ripple effect. But try as he might, he could not destroy David. Samuel made it clear to Saul (I Samuel 15 and I Samuel 15 Continued) that he could not blame his downfall on anyone else. I Samuel 15:22–23 - "What pleases God more: burnt offerings and sacrifices or obedience to his voice? It is better to obey than to sacrifice. It is better to listen to God than to offer the fat of sheep. Disobedience is as bad as the sin of sorcery. Pride is as bad as the sin of worshiping idols. You have rejected the Lord's command. Now he rejects you as king." The Lord tore the kingdom away from Saul and Samuel never saw Saul again for the rest of his life. This of course made Samuel very sad because he loved Saul. Then the Lord said to Samuel, "How long will you continue to feel sorry for Saul?" (I Samuel 16:1) This is between him and me and I reject him. Now get up and get on with what I want you to do—and Samuel obeyed. Saul never "got it" and died a broken defeated man—and Samuel moved on.
The Saul of the New Testament is an entirely different story. There was a total transformation in his life. He went from aggressively seeking harm against Christ-followers and following his own path, to stopping in his tracks at the call of God and radically changing his life in total submission to God. He became Paul and wrote a large portion of the New Testament. Many people then, and many people since, have come to know Christ because of his teachings.
What a difference between Saul of the Old Testament and Saul of the New Testament. Saul of the Old Testament never "got it" and died a broken man. Saul of the New Testament radically changed and then radically changed others.
So which is it going to be for my sister and brother-in-law? I don't know. If it is Saul of the Old, then I, like Samuel, will be very sad. But also like Samuel, I will pick myself up and get about God's business. This isn't about me/us and them. It is between God and them. We are only observers. If it is Saul of the New, there will be rejoicing over changed lives, and there will be no doubt about it. What will it be? No matter what—either way—we will praise the Lord.
What I know right now is there has been no change. You cannot behave like my sister did this past week and have a changed heart. You cannot drop in unannounced (from almost 2,000 miles away) on your widowed 83 year old mother (with whom you have a very strained relationship) and impose yourself upon her for four days without any notice. This is something they have repeatedly done. My Mom cannot even feel safe in her own home because she never knows if or when they will show up and for how long they will stay. That goes beyond rude, it is cruel.
My sister and brother-in-law did not come for any kind of reconciliation with her or anyone else. They came for purely selfish reasons; to see what they could learn about us, eat at my sister's favorite restaurants, and shop at her favorite stores. Nothing more. You also do not verbally assault your 83 year old mother. My sister, after being here for only a day and a half, attacked mom verbally. Non-stop. It is abusive behavior. Mom tried to just be quiet hoping that would get her to stop. But nothing will stop her. If you remain quiet she accuses you of being angry. If you speak up she accuses you of being out of control. There is no win, lose, or draw with my sister. She just cannot seem to stop herself as she relentlessly pushes on.
Her need to try and prove herself successful has not changed. She appears to have incredibly low self-awareness and self-esteem. She does not understand that she alone—without things, wealth, prestige, or fame—is worthy of God's love. She tries so hard to prove herself worthy with things that can never bring her happiness. It is so sad. But it isn't between me/us and them. It is between God and them. In man's eyes it appears hopeless, but that is what people would have said about Saul of the New Testament. While there is breath, there is hope.
My sister and brother-in-law did not come for any kind of reconciliation with her or anyone else. They came for purely selfish reasons; to see what they could learn about us, eat at my sister's favorite restaurants, and shop at her favorite stores. Nothing more. You also do not verbally assault your 83 year old mother. My sister, after being here for only a day and a half, attacked mom verbally. Non-stop. It is abusive behavior. Mom tried to just be quiet hoping that would get her to stop. But nothing will stop her. If you remain quiet she accuses you of being angry. If you speak up she accuses you of being out of control. There is no win, lose, or draw with my sister. She just cannot seem to stop herself as she relentlessly pushes on.
Her need to try and prove herself successful has not changed. She appears to have incredibly low self-awareness and self-esteem. She does not understand that she alone—without things, wealth, prestige, or fame—is worthy of God's love. She tries so hard to prove herself worthy with things that can never bring her happiness. It is so sad. But it isn't between me/us and them. It is between God and them. In man's eyes it appears hopeless, but that is what people would have said about Saul of the New Testament. While there is breath, there is hope.
What will it be? I don't know and I can't control it. What I do know is this: we will praise the Lord, and we will have hope. The rest is in God's hands. No matter what—we will PRAISE THE LORD.
Addendum: 3/5/16 ~ Almost three and one half years have passed since I wrote this entry in my journal. Unfortunately, the Settlement Conference clearly showed there still has been no heart change. There is still hope. While there is breath there is hope. What I KNOW is this: God is faithful and He has given them many years of grace. But I also know there is a day of accountability coming—for all of us. Oh, how I hope they will change their hearts and get a new way of thinking like Saul of the New Testament. But I have no control over that. So, I leave it in God's hands."It is our job to hate the sin. But it's God's job to deal with the sinner. God has called us to despise evil, but he's never called us to despise the evildoer." ~ From Christ Through the Bible by Max Lucado
Several weeks ago I was thinking about "what ifs" again? What if I received a phone call? What if I was told my sister was ill or needed help? Would I go? Would I still try to help her? The answer is: YES. I would still go. I would be wise and not go alone, but I would go. The only way I would not go is if God clearly showed me that I was to step aside and the answer was no. I clearly understand that I may not be given that opportunity, but I am willing. God already gave me the opportunity to say all I needed to say when my journal from Genesis to II Chronicles was sent to her during discovery. What looked disastrous at the time was actually a gift to me (and her) from God. God gave me a voice through my written words. He put in their hands our prayers and concern for them. I will be forever grateful for that gift.
My conscious is clear. I can only control my life choices. The result of their life choices is out of my hands. We will continue to pray. We will continue to hope. But ultimately, it is between them and God. And that is enough. We will trust HIM. We will serve HIM. We are following HIS path—wherever it leads.
I Am No Longer a Slave to Fear and We Will Not Be Shaken.
Next Entry: Acts 10:1 – 11:30
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