January 11, 2017
All my reviews and edits from Genesis to Jude are done and I am ready to
begin recording my last entries from my last journal and the last book of the Bible.
The Revelation of Jesus Christ
I once again am filled with excitement, anticipation, and a little hesitancy. Seven years. It has been seven years since I first began keeping a personal journal of my thoughts while reading through the Bible and then began recording those handwritten journal entries into this format. I'm almost finished.
It's the beginning of the end.
I have so many questions. When I began keeping a private journal on November 16, 2009, I had no idea where this journey was going to take me. I was only doing what I KNEW I was supposed to be doing. Almost four years (2013) and thirteen full size journal notebooks later, as I was finishing up Revelation and wondering what to do next, I suddenly KNEW I was supposed to take my private journals and enter them into a format where I could organize them and create labels for different topics.
NEVER could I have imagined what happened a year later in 2014. Read about it here.
LORD – What Am I to Do?
The LORD Answers!
I Didn't Know—BUT GOD DID!!
Once I began to understand what God was asking me to do, it literally shook me to the core. What? This is "The Book"? Really? But God, the lawsuit! How could it ever be public? Are you sure, God? I know we are supposed to tell the story of Jane and Your faithfulness, but I always pictured a short story in something like Guideposts. My journal is the plan? What I KNEW I was supposed to start, and what I KNEW I was supposed to put into this format wasn't just something
I was doing? It was part of YOUR bigger plan all along?
I was shaken, but then I surrendered all, even though I knew logistically it would be impossible for my journals (and this blog) to become public while the lawsuit is still ongoing.
My private journals* contain conversations between us and our lawyer; reveals mediation and settlement details; reveals much we would use as our defense; reveals things we know and could use against the plaintiffs (my sister and brother-in-law); reveals the ugly details of their deceit, trickery and accusations; reveals my personal opinions about their lives and actions; and my journals also reveal that we would in no way ever go after them for anything—all information which cannot become public knowledge while someone is trying to ruin you. The only way it would ever be acceptable for this journal/blog to go public is if the lawsuit is finalized and over—permanently.
But how or when will the lawsuit end? It's been going on for almost ten years now. Why would it suddenly be over now? Is there going to be a trial? Nothing is on the docket. Even if the judge would decide to set a trial date, it probably couldn't be scheduled until sometime in late 2017 or 2018 at the earliest. It's been ten years already. Why would the judge reverse course and suddenly schedule a trial after what our lawyer calls a "pocket veto" for the last ten years?
We have said from early 2008 on that we somehow believe this lawsuit will never go to trial. We have nothing to back up that statement—except faith. It is just something we KNOW. It seems kind of crazy to believe it won't go to trial. Mediation failed. Settlement failed. A trial is the next step and the only thing left in the legal process. So, why wouldn't it proceed to trial? We don't know, but
we are sure. We only know what we believe, and it is by faith that we say we don't believe the world's court is going to be what determines our fate.
At the Settlement Conference, the judge made it clear that our American laws grant each of us the "right" to sue. My sister and brother-in-law have a legal "right" to sue whether their claims are based on merit or based on greed and vengeance. The judge also pointed out that if you don't like the outcome of the trial it doesn't mean it is over because lawyers will always be glad to take your money and an appeal can be filed. So, it is their "right" as Americans and they can always appeal if they aren't satisfied with the results.
Even knowing they have the right, and even knowing it is the next legal step in the process, we
still don't believe this is going to trial! I know God's ways are not our ways, but what would be the point (now ten years later) of a trial? If there is going to be a trial now, why wasn't there a trial years ago? If the judge thinks if he gives my sister enough time she will eventually stop this personal vendetta, then he doesn't know my sister. She will stop at NOTHING. No earthly thing will ever convince her to stop, and nothing will convince her that what they did (and are doing) is wrong. NOTHING. It truly will take an act of God.
I can't imagine what a trial would be like ten plus years after the facts. During my sister's and brother-in-law's depositions in early 2009 they were confused much of the time. After breaks they would come back in and "clarify" something they said earlier while under oath. When your testimony is based on truth the facts aren't hard to remember. But imagine what it would be like for them now that it is eight or nine years later. I believe there are many ways that our lawyer could show their contradictions and catch them in their lies. But we don't believe it is going to be "man" that protects us.
GOD is the One who is our protector. HE is the One who will deliver us. This battle belongs to the LORD. The glory and honor for what HE is going to do belongs to HIM and HIM only.
So, the only way I can humanly see the lawsuit ending (and therefore allowing this blog to be made public) is either by trial (and then appeals which would take many years), or by my sister and brother-in-law deciding to drop the lawsuit with prejudice, meaning it could not be brought up again. Either way looks completely impossible. It was only a year ago at the Settlement Conference that the judge could not get them to look at anything realistically. Why would there be any change now when there hasn't been a change for ten years?
Our prayer, desire, and hope, has always been for my sister and brother-in-law to change their hearts and lives. How often have we said that they will either be like the Saul of the Old Testament, who in his anger, revenge, and twisted thinking never understood and/or accepted Truth and went to his grave disillusioned, self-sufficient, and determined to "get" David—OR—they will become like the Saul of the New Testament who was stopped in his tracks, changed his heart and life, and became a servant of Christ. We continue to pray they will understand they are nothing without God and will desire nothing but God. We continue to pray they will be like the Saul of the New Testament.
That is our prayer.
Will they change? Barring a miracle there is little hope, BUT, while there is breath there is hope
. So, we will continue to hope and pray, understanding it is a choice only they can make. We cannot make it for them. We would if we could, but we can't. It has to be their own personal choice.
LORD, I pray again what I said in my journal a few days ago. Get in their face. Rattle their cages. LORD, if it takes bringing them to their knees and blinding them like you did Saul in the New Testament, then bring them to their knees and blind them. LORD, they are already blinded to Truth. LORD, I pray you blind their eyes to the
false truth they have been believing so they can open their eyes and like Saul, be able to see Light and Truth for the first time. And like Paul, may they choose to get a new way of thinking. We boldly come before your throne and ask you, in the name of Jesus, to give them one more opportunity to change their hearts and lives. Thank you, LORD, for these ten years of Grace you have so lovingly given them. LORD, please give them one more chance. Whatever it takes, LORD. Whatever it takes. We surrender them to you.
We've come to understand we are NOT victims of a lawsuit. We are the recipients of a
Blessed Event. The path we are on isn't a path we've created. It is a God-ordained path and we have chosen to follow the Master's lead on HIS footpath—no matter where it leads. To even
begin to realize the awesomeness of our Heavenly Father in even the most minute of ways, has been very convicting and humbling. Following HIS footpath has taught us so much about faith and trust.
We trust HIM—period. Our faith is in HIM—period. No matter what the circumstance, there is no safer place to be than following the Master on HIS path. You truly can let go of the need to be in charge and let God lead.
It's been quite the journey. My crazy idea to begin hiking the Appalachian Trail? It turns out it wasn't
my random idea. The idea to start going to a nursing home on Christmas mornings which put everything in place for HIS divinely arranged appointment with Jane? Not
my random idea. The idea to start a journal while reading through the Bible? Not
my random idea either. Now we understand it wasn't
my idea to enter my journal into Blogger. It wasn't
my idea to come up with the notion of praying about a
NEW BEGINNING. It wasn't
my idea to purge the house of all lawsuit files almost five years ago. It most certainly wasn't
my idea to make our personal journey public. Unbeknownst to me, God was scripting a plan.
This isn't my story—this is HIS Story.
We absolutely believe without a shadow of a doubt that it is God's will for my private journal and this subsequent blog to be made public. But how can it happen? When? I'm almost finished recording my personal journal entries. The separate blog created to chronicle the story of Jane (
Walking By Faith: A True Story of God's Faithfulness) is close to being done. Everything I've been led to do is almost finished. I know of nothing else I am supposed to finish. But, the lawsuit is still ongoing. What else needs to happen before God decides it is time for the lawsuit to end and the public release of the blogs to begin?
It's the beginning of the end.
Why did God show us (in 2013) how He waited patiently until Noah finished the boat before He brought judgment and the New Beginning began? Does the New Beginning after the flood correlate with the
New Beginning we were led to pray about in 2012? Does I Peter 3:20 - "God waited patiently while Noah finished the boat" have anything to do with our situation? Is God waiting for something to finish? Is He waiting until my journal/blog and Jane's blog is completely finished? Is He waiting for us to start, stop, or finish something? Is there something else I am to do?
Seven years. It has been seven years since my journey through the Bible began, and I have loved every minute of it. There has not been even one single day that I felt like I wanted to quit. Not one. There were times I was surprised how long it would take me to do something, but never a time of being bored, tired, or wanting to stop. I learned along the way that God's timing—is God's timing. We are just following Him. And I am okay with that.
It's the beginning of the end.
I've been thinking a lot lately about this part of the journey being "over." There is hesitancy because I have loved every minute of it, but there is also excitement. What does God have planned? How would anyone even find this blog of our journey and my walk through His Word? How will God use His Story? It been seven years in preparation, what are the next steps? I can't imagine, and that is a good thing because it isn't mine to imagine.
I have a lot of questions. But you know what? None of them matter. I don't need to know the answers because I trust the One who does know, and that is enough. We don't know how or when this journey will end. We only know that we are
Walking On His Footpath (Following the Master's Lead). We only know that God is faithful and we want to be found faithful.
For the last several nights I have been praying specifically for God to use us however He wishes. A few nights ago, I was praising God and praying during one of my
wakeful moments. I was praying about this blog and whoever may someday
find it. It's taken me seven years to complete. In my mind I literally
took these last seven years and my writings and presented them to God as a
gift of my love. I once again surrendered to HIS Lordship ALL I know to surrender. I've given my journals and this blog to Him and I've asked Him to accept my gift of love and to use it in whatever way He desires.
During these last several nights as I have been praying and thanking God for his love, there was a melody running through my mind with a few snippets of words. I couldn't quite remember what song it was or the words. Then it finally came to me. I heard this song for the first time when a friend of mine from Texas posted the video from First Baptist Church to Facebook after the horrific shooting of the police officers in Dallas.
Listen to it here if you have Facebook:
Take Me to the King! If you don't have Facebook you can listen to Tamela Mann sing it on YouTube here:
Tamela Mann: Take Me to the King