January 06, 2012
(Written to my family prior to knowing my journals would someday become public.)
Before I write about the next section, I want to write a little bit about my journals. I began keeping a journal while reading through God's word on 11/16/09, the day Miss A (our youngest granddaughter) was born. While I'd always thought the idea of keeping a journal was intriguing, I was never successful at disciplining myself to stick with it. The thought of combining journaling with reading through the Bible never even crossed my mind until I knew I was supposed to start. Once I knew I was supposed to start, reading His word and writing my thoughts was something I looked forward to every day. It wasn't a chore or something I had to discipline myself to do. I knew it was a path God put me on and writing—which I used to hate—quickly became something I loved.
Prior to "the storm" happening, I am ashamed to say that it had been many years since I had systematically read through the entire Bible. But when faced with a situation that was way beyond our human capabilities, I quickly turned to the Bible for guidance and console. Between early 2007 and late 2009, I read the Bible from beginning to end multiple times. The first time I read it through I did it rather oddly. I started with the Psalms and read to the end of the Old Testament and then I went back to the Psalms and read the books in reverse order (Job, Esther, Nehemiah, etc) until I reached Genesis, and then started back over from Genesis to Revelation. Odd, I know. I have no idea why I did it that way.
In January '08, I bought a new Bible. As I was once again reading through God's word from beginning to end, I wrote many comments, notes, and dates throughout the margins. While the margins of my Bible were full of notes, I still never once thought about keeping a journal. It wasn't until I sent a letter to a long time acquaintance of Jane's in late '09, that I suddenly knew I should begin a journal to record the path we were on and my journey through the Bible. (This was the friend that Jane helped edit a book he was writing. I had written to him to let him know how God used Jane's life in her last years.) Even though I'd never thought about keeping a journal while reading through the Bible before, it now made perfect sense to me. It would be a great way to gather all the things I'd written throughout the margins of my Bible, organize my thoughts, write my prayers, etc.
Keeping a journal turned out to be very therapeutic for me, (my personal devotions, private thoughts, prayers, my interpretation of what God was saying to me), and it also provided a way to pass down a written record of God's faithfulness to you (our children and grandchildren) upon my passing. The idea of passing down our testimony to future generations excited me. All very personal. All very private. I never imagined that my personal thoughts would one day be put into the hands of those who were seeking to harm us.
When my personal journals got caught up in "the storm" I was shaken and I lost confidence in my personal writings remaining private. I briefly considered not writing anymore, but because I had come to love reading and writing (surprisingly), I began again.
You (my family) have lived these last five years with us. You know what we believe and WHO we believe in. You know your Dad and I are not angry, bitter, or revengeful. You know our hearts. You know our concerns. If you've read this far then you know what the cry of my heart is. Page after page of my prayers. My hearts desire for God's mercy. No anger. No revenge. Just me writing about what God says in HIS Word. What God calls evil, not what I call evil. What God says about accountability, forgiveness, repentance, curses, blessings, etc, not what "I" think about those things.
It's not important what "we" think is right and wrong. What does God's Word say? My devotional journals are a compilation of God's Word from three different versions and are a record of what I understood HIS word to be saying. God's words to me and my words to God. I couldn't understand why my journal got caught up in "the storm." But then I had a new thought. Maybe this is what God wanted. If this was God's plan, then I would swallow my pride and fear of my sister and others reading my private and personal devotions.
What seemed disastrous, turned out to be a gift. My voice was heard. Whatever happens to my journals now is up to God.
Addendum: 8/31/2015 ~ Oh my. When I read about the anxiety I felt to have my private personal journal being read by anybody other than my immediate family never in a million years could I have foreseen that there would come a day when the public button on this blog would be activated and my private journal would be made available to anyone, anywhere in the world to read. NEVER! But then LORD – What Am I to Do?; The LORD Answers!!; and I Didn't Know—BUT GOD DID!! happened.
I have no idea when I am supposed to make my journal available, all I know is that I am supposed to. And amazingly, I do not have any anxiety about it. I still do not know the "when," so I will wait on HIS direction. Once I know for certain what HIS timing is, I will change the settings and HIS story will become available. Amazing. I could NEVER have imagined this!
Next Entry: All Creatures of Our God and King
(Written to my family prior to knowing my journals would someday become public.)
Before I write about the next section, I want to write a little bit about my journals. I began keeping a journal while reading through God's word on 11/16/09, the day Miss A (our youngest granddaughter) was born. While I'd always thought the idea of keeping a journal was intriguing, I was never successful at disciplining myself to stick with it. The thought of combining journaling with reading through the Bible never even crossed my mind until I knew I was supposed to start. Once I knew I was supposed to start, reading His word and writing my thoughts was something I looked forward to every day. It wasn't a chore or something I had to discipline myself to do. I knew it was a path God put me on and writing—which I used to hate—quickly became something I loved.
Prior to "the storm" happening, I am ashamed to say that it had been many years since I had systematically read through the entire Bible. But when faced with a situation that was way beyond our human capabilities, I quickly turned to the Bible for guidance and console. Between early 2007 and late 2009, I read the Bible from beginning to end multiple times. The first time I read it through I did it rather oddly. I started with the Psalms and read to the end of the Old Testament and then I went back to the Psalms and read the books in reverse order (Job, Esther, Nehemiah, etc) until I reached Genesis, and then started back over from Genesis to Revelation. Odd, I know. I have no idea why I did it that way.
In January '08, I bought a new Bible. As I was once again reading through God's word from beginning to end, I wrote many comments, notes, and dates throughout the margins. While the margins of my Bible were full of notes, I still never once thought about keeping a journal. It wasn't until I sent a letter to a long time acquaintance of Jane's in late '09, that I suddenly knew I should begin a journal to record the path we were on and my journey through the Bible. (This was the friend that Jane helped edit a book he was writing. I had written to him to let him know how God used Jane's life in her last years.) Even though I'd never thought about keeping a journal while reading through the Bible before, it now made perfect sense to me. It would be a great way to gather all the things I'd written throughout the margins of my Bible, organize my thoughts, write my prayers, etc.
Keeping a journal turned out to be very therapeutic for me, (my personal devotions, private thoughts, prayers, my interpretation of what God was saying to me), and it also provided a way to pass down a written record of God's faithfulness to you (our children and grandchildren) upon my passing. The idea of passing down our testimony to future generations excited me. All very personal. All very private. I never imagined that my personal thoughts would one day be put into the hands of those who were seeking to harm us.
When my personal journals got caught up in "the storm" I was shaken and I lost confidence in my personal writings remaining private. I briefly considered not writing anymore, but because I had come to love reading and writing (surprisingly), I began again.
You (my family) have lived these last five years with us. You know what we believe and WHO we believe in. You know your Dad and I are not angry, bitter, or revengeful. You know our hearts. You know our concerns. If you've read this far then you know what the cry of my heart is. Page after page of my prayers. My hearts desire for God's mercy. No anger. No revenge. Just me writing about what God says in HIS Word. What God calls evil, not what I call evil. What God says about accountability, forgiveness, repentance, curses, blessings, etc, not what "I" think about those things.
It's not important what "we" think is right and wrong. What does God's Word say? My devotional journals are a compilation of God's Word from three different versions and are a record of what I understood HIS word to be saying. God's words to me and my words to God. I couldn't understand why my journal got caught up in "the storm." But then I had a new thought. Maybe this is what God wanted. If this was God's plan, then I would swallow my pride and fear of my sister and others reading my private and personal devotions.
What seemed disastrous, turned out to be a gift. My voice was heard. Whatever happens to my journals now is up to God.
Addendum: 8/31/2015 ~ Oh my. When I read about the anxiety I felt to have my private personal journal being read by anybody other than my immediate family never in a million years could I have foreseen that there would come a day when the public button on this blog would be activated and my private journal would be made available to anyone, anywhere in the world to read. NEVER! But then LORD – What Am I to Do?; The LORD Answers!!; and I Didn't Know—BUT GOD DID!! happened.
I have no idea when I am supposed to make my journal available, all I know is that I am supposed to. And amazingly, I do not have any anxiety about it. I still do not know the "when," so I will wait on HIS direction. Once I know for certain what HIS timing is, I will change the settings and HIS story will become available. Amazing. I could NEVER have imagined this!
Next Entry: All Creatures of Our God and King
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