May 05, 2011
Thursday – Today I found out my sister and brother-in-law are planning on coming and staying at Mom and Dad's home while Dad is dying. Mom is upset and beside herself. She does not want them (and the turmoil that surrounds them) staying in their home during this stressful time. My sister has always said that if something happened to either Mom or Dad she would not be making the trip back home. Now my Dad is dying, and my sister called to say she and her husband are coming and they are going to be staying at Mom and Dad's home.
You have to understand the family dynamics; my sister and Mom and Dad do not enjoy a close family relationship built upon mutual love, respect and trust. My sister's relationship with our parents has been difficult and strained since childhood. My sister did not ask Mom if it was okay to stay with them, she just (as typical) announced her plans and what she was going to do. She is not coming to lend emotional support or to help with the cooking and cleaning. It is perfectly understandable that my sister should come. The problem isn't that she is coming; the problem is her announcement that she will be staying at Mom and Dad's. Her presence will create turmoil like it always does, and that is the very last thing Mom or Dad needs to have at this difficult time.
When Mom told me they were coming and they were going to be staying at the house, I was absolutely crushed! I knew what that meant and why my sister was doing it. I told Mom I was going out for a walk and I headed straight for the woods. The woods—the place I would retreat to as a child. The woods—a place where I felt safe. I cried and cried as I reached my "safe space". I cried so uncontrollably that I literally peed my pants. I heard primal gut-wrenching screams come from my lips. I felt physically ill. I just wanted to lay down and curl up right where I was. I couldn't believe this was happening. My Mom and Dad and I were so close. I was the one who always helped them with everything. Yet, if my sister and brother-in-law were going to be staying at Mom and Dad's home, it was going to be impossible for me to be there to help them through the toughest days of their lives. I was going to be shut out of the most important time in their lives and mine.
How can this be happening? It wasn't that I had to stay away because I didn't want to face my sister or brother-in-law or because I was fearful of them. It wasn't that at all. I would walk through fire if necessary to be able to help and be with Mom and Dad. The reason I had to stay away is because nobody could predict what my sister would do and I could not risk putting Mom and Dad into any kind of unpredictable or explosive situation while Dad was dying. I had a glimmer of hope that maybe she was coming to seek forgiveness for the things she had done to Mom and Dad (and to us), but I knew any chance of that happening was slim.
It's been almost five years since my sister and brother-in-law filed their lawsuit against us and blew up our family of origin. For almost all of those years, I have prayed that if they changed their hearts and lives my Dad would live to see the day. The fact that his oldest daughter had filed a lawsuit against his youngest daughter was very upsetting to Dad. When he was still active and well Dad wanted to confront my sister about her actions, but he knew it would unleash a firestorm and thank the Lord, he was able to keep from opening up that hornet's nest.
It was just to volatile of a situation. She just couldn't be tursted. I had to stay away.
I called my husband on my cell phone. I was sobbing uncontrollably. He came over and walked up to the woods to find me. We just held each other. I was almost too weak to stand. I pulled myself back together enough to go back in the house to tell Mom and Dad good night and I would see them in the morning. I could barely see through my tears as I drove home. I called a good friend. How can this be happening? My Dad was dying. My Mom needed me. I needed to be with them! It was my right to be with them. How dare my sister force me to give up my right!!!
I hung up the phone and began to pray. The more I prayed the more I knew ... I had to give up my rights and do what was right. I had to protect Mom and Dad. I had to stay away. I finally said, "LORD, this is the most difficult thing I have ever faced. I don't want to miss this time with my Mom and Dad, but I will do it. I give up "my rights." I surrender all to you. Thank you, LORD, for allowing me to be with them at the hospital. Thank you, LORD, for having two more days with them. I will continue to praise you, LORD. I will continue to praise you."
And with that, the tears and the sadness went away. The stake of surrender was in the ground. The decision was made, and I was at peace.
Psalm 106:1-3 - "Praise the LORD! Thank the Lord because he is good. His love continues forever. No one can tell all the mighty things the LORD has done; no one can speak all his praise. Happy are those who do right, who do what is fair at all times."
Then the Psalmist begins to recount all the things God had done for them and all the ways they had failed to trust God. After all God had done, they still refused to totally trust and believe Him. Verse 13 - "They quickly forgot what he had done; they did not wait for his advice." They wanted what they wanted. Verse 15 - "So he gave them what they wanted, but he also sent a terrible disease among them." When we refuse to listen and trust God, He will often give us what (we think) we want even if it isn't for our own good. We need to be seeking and following what God wants. Instead, Verse 20 - "They exchanged their glorious God for a statue of a bull that eats grass."
What a mess (we) get ourselves into when (we) try to do things our way instead of God's way. I choose to trust God, to lean not on my own understanding but to instead depend upon God and His wisdom to respect the LORD in all things, refuse to do wrong, and honor God in all things. (Proverbs 3:5-10)
Psalm 106:48 - "Praise the LORD...He was, is, and always will be. Let all the people say, 'Amen.' Praise the LORD."
Next Entry: Psalm 107
Thursday – Today I found out my sister and brother-in-law are planning on coming and staying at Mom and Dad's home while Dad is dying. Mom is upset and beside herself. She does not want them (and the turmoil that surrounds them) staying in their home during this stressful time. My sister has always said that if something happened to either Mom or Dad she would not be making the trip back home. Now my Dad is dying, and my sister called to say she and her husband are coming and they are going to be staying at Mom and Dad's home.
You have to understand the family dynamics; my sister and Mom and Dad do not enjoy a close family relationship built upon mutual love, respect and trust. My sister's relationship with our parents has been difficult and strained since childhood. My sister did not ask Mom if it was okay to stay with them, she just (as typical) announced her plans and what she was going to do. She is not coming to lend emotional support or to help with the cooking and cleaning. It is perfectly understandable that my sister should come. The problem isn't that she is coming; the problem is her announcement that she will be staying at Mom and Dad's. Her presence will create turmoil like it always does, and that is the very last thing Mom or Dad needs to have at this difficult time.
When Mom told me they were coming and they were going to be staying at the house, I was absolutely crushed! I knew what that meant and why my sister was doing it. I told Mom I was going out for a walk and I headed straight for the woods. The woods—the place I would retreat to as a child. The woods—a place where I felt safe. I cried and cried as I reached my "safe space". I cried so uncontrollably that I literally peed my pants. I heard primal gut-wrenching screams come from my lips. I felt physically ill. I just wanted to lay down and curl up right where I was. I couldn't believe this was happening. My Mom and Dad and I were so close. I was the one who always helped them with everything. Yet, if my sister and brother-in-law were going to be staying at Mom and Dad's home, it was going to be impossible for me to be there to help them through the toughest days of their lives. I was going to be shut out of the most important time in their lives and mine.
How can this be happening? It wasn't that I had to stay away because I didn't want to face my sister or brother-in-law or because I was fearful of them. It wasn't that at all. I would walk through fire if necessary to be able to help and be with Mom and Dad. The reason I had to stay away is because nobody could predict what my sister would do and I could not risk putting Mom and Dad into any kind of unpredictable or explosive situation while Dad was dying. I had a glimmer of hope that maybe she was coming to seek forgiveness for the things she had done to Mom and Dad (and to us), but I knew any chance of that happening was slim.
It's been almost five years since my sister and brother-in-law filed their lawsuit against us and blew up our family of origin. For almost all of those years, I have prayed that if they changed their hearts and lives my Dad would live to see the day. The fact that his oldest daughter had filed a lawsuit against his youngest daughter was very upsetting to Dad. When he was still active and well Dad wanted to confront my sister about her actions, but he knew it would unleash a firestorm and thank the Lord, he was able to keep from opening up that hornet's nest.
It was just to volatile of a situation. She just couldn't be tursted. I had to stay away.
I called my husband on my cell phone. I was sobbing uncontrollably. He came over and walked up to the woods to find me. We just held each other. I was almost too weak to stand. I pulled myself back together enough to go back in the house to tell Mom and Dad good night and I would see them in the morning. I could barely see through my tears as I drove home. I called a good friend. How can this be happening? My Dad was dying. My Mom needed me. I needed to be with them! It was my right to be with them. How dare my sister force me to give up my right!!!
I hung up the phone and began to pray. The more I prayed the more I knew ... I had to give up my rights and do what was right. I had to protect Mom and Dad. I had to stay away. I finally said, "LORD, this is the most difficult thing I have ever faced. I don't want to miss this time with my Mom and Dad, but I will do it. I give up "my rights." I surrender all to you. Thank you, LORD, for allowing me to be with them at the hospital. Thank you, LORD, for having two more days with them. I will continue to praise you, LORD. I will continue to praise you."
And with that, the tears and the sadness went away. The stake of surrender was in the ground. The decision was made, and I was at peace.
Peace, Peace, Wonderful PeaceMy sister and brother-in-law aren't coming until Saturday night. I will spend all day Friday and Saturday with my Mom and Dad. I will make sure they have everything they need. I will tell them how much I love them. I will gently explain why I can't be there, and then I will leave.
Coming down from the Father above.
Sweep over my spirit forever I pray,
In famthomless billows of love.
*****
Psalm 106:1-3 - "Praise the LORD! Thank the Lord because he is good. His love continues forever. No one can tell all the mighty things the LORD has done; no one can speak all his praise. Happy are those who do right, who do what is fair at all times."
Then the Psalmist begins to recount all the things God had done for them and all the ways they had failed to trust God. After all God had done, they still refused to totally trust and believe Him. Verse 13 - "They quickly forgot what he had done; they did not wait for his advice." They wanted what they wanted. Verse 15 - "So he gave them what they wanted, but he also sent a terrible disease among them." When we refuse to listen and trust God, He will often give us what (we think) we want even if it isn't for our own good. We need to be seeking and following what God wants. Instead, Verse 20 - "They exchanged their glorious God for a statue of a bull that eats grass."
What a mess (we) get ourselves into when (we) try to do things our way instead of God's way. I choose to trust God, to lean not on my own understanding but to instead depend upon God and His wisdom to respect the LORD in all things, refuse to do wrong, and honor God in all things. (Proverbs 3:5-10)
Psalm 106:48 - "Praise the LORD...He was, is, and always will be. Let all the people say, 'Amen.' Praise the LORD."
Next Entry: Psalm 107
No comments:
Post a Comment