May 12, 2011
Dad's graveside service was yesterday. It was simple and very meaningful. His plain coffin was draped with the American flag. The military guard carried the casket from the hearse to the grave. My brother, per Dad's wishes, led the service which was just for family members. He did an awesome job. Maybe I will get his notes and write it here in my journal. I was going to share some thoughts at the graveside service, but my brother and I decided at the last moment that it would be best if I waited until the Memorial Service we are having with our children, grandchildren, Mom and my brother's family on Saturday. (See Addendum.)
Before the service started, my brother asked my sister to sit on one side of Mom and for me to sit on the other side of Mom. It was the right thing to do. Mom cried softly throughout the service and I kept my arm around her to comfort her. After my brother finished speaking, the honor guard folded the American flag and gave it to Mom. He thanked her on behalf of our country for Dad's service in World War II. At the close of the service, the honor guard fired three rounds of volleys to signify the dead being properly cared for, and taps was played. It was beautiful and moving.
And with that... it was over.
After the service my sister handed out packets to give to our daughter and son since they were not in attendance. My sister then asked if we were all going to go out to eat together. (What ?!?) We all replied, "No." Mom left with my brother and his family in their car and my sister and brother-in-law left in their car.
After the honor guard and the family left, my husband and I stayed behind so we could take pictures of the casket, grave, etc. We wanted to be able to explain what happens at a funeral and share the pictures with our grandchildren at the Memorial Service. We especially wanted to do what we could to help our daughter-in-law. Her Mom was seriously ill and not expected to live much longer. Our grandchildren loved Great Grandpa and were sad to see him die, but it was going to be much harder for two of our grandchildren when their beloved MaMaw died. We wanted to help prepare the way for what our shared grandchildren were soon were going to experience when they lost their wonderful MaMaw.
When we got back home, I had a chance to look at the packets my sister gave me. The packets contained copies of a letter from Dad and some pictures. Perhaps the saddest part of the whole day was when I read what my sister had written on the back of the picture of Dad with his beloved "parpy" dog (our puppy Dozer). "Probable last photo taken April '11." That wasn't even close to being accurate. The picture of Dad with our puppy was taken the year before.
A lot of "life" and "love" transpired between the time that photo was taken and Dad's death. My family celebrated Dad's 90th birthday and Easter with a family dinner and party just weeks before Dad died. There were lots of pictures taken, videos made and special moments and memories shared. Without Dad knowing, we videotaped what turned out to be his final family prayer before we shared our Easter dinner. I loved to hear my Dad pray. I can still hear his voice as he prayed for the "in-laws and out-laws" gathered around the table. 😊
When my sister chose to blow up our family of origin by filing a vicious and ruinous lawsuit against a sibling, it created a complete void between her and the rest of the family. She had no idea that my daughter interviewed Dad recounting stories of the war and those stories are now permanently part of the National Archives. The interview was recorded on a DVD. The letter my sister handed out was actually Dad's account of the war that he personally wrote for my daughter when she was interviewing him. My sister thought she was performing the role of a "historical archive specialist" by presenting the rest of the family a packet of the "probable last photo" and a letter from Dad as a keepsake, all the while totally unaware that what she presented was something the rest of us already had. How sad that my sister is so out of the loop in this family (because of her own actions), that she knows nothing about the last years and months of my Dad's or anyone else's life. So incredibly sad.
You cannot alienate yourself from everyone and then expect to get a different result than what you have created—alienation. You cannot use trickery against a sister; falsely accuse a sister; file a lawsuit to try and financially destroy a sister by taking what is hers as your own; and then think you will be warmly welcomed back into a family and expect to go out to dinner together after a memorial service. You cannot do what my sister has done to my Mom, Dad, and brother for these last 40 plus years and expect them to feel safe around you. You cannot lie, tell half-truths, leave out the truth, exaggerate the truth, and then expect your family members to trust you. IF—THEN is a biblical principle and a life principle. You do reap what you sow. I feel sorry for her, but I can't fix her. Will either she or her husband ever understand who is responsible for the breakdown in relationship from the friends and family they used to be close to but are now alienated from?
It's interesting to compare what all was happening between the time of the "probable last photo" and Dad's death.
On their side: the judge granted my sister and brother-in-law's request for more discovery time in the lawsuit. They used none of the extended time for anything that actually pertained to the lawsuit itself. Instead, they used that time as an opportunity to try and create a division between our daughter, son-in-law, and ourselves. Their plan didn't work. It was during this discovery time that I was required to send 450 pages of this journal to them. 450 pages of me pleading with God to show them mercy and to give them time for repentance. Instead of receiving it in the manner it was written, they took my words, twisted them, took them out of context, and accused me of threatening their lives. They went so far as to say they were considering getting a protective restraining order in order to protect themselves from me out of a (irrational) fear that I would do them physical harm.
On our side: much quality and quantity of time was spent with Mom and Dad and our own family. In spite of "the storm," our lives were filled with peace, joy, and contentment.
Addendum; 3/9/15 ~ Because my sister and brother-in-law's latest tactic included accusing me of being mentally and emotionally unstable; because in their lawyer correspondence they said they felt I was homicidal and expressed their fear of me and what I might do; because they refused to be in the same room with me unless it was in a courtroom facility where I would be required to pass through a metal detector; and because they said they considered getting a restraining order against me but decided against it since they live on the other side of the country... because of all those things and more, we (my Mom, brother, husband and I, and our children) all decided it would be wisest if our son and daughter and their young families did not attend Dad's funeral.
My sister's behavior was just too unpredictable. She knew none of her accusations were true, but it appears she was (and is) willing to stop at nothing to try and destroy me. Would she have the police there for her "protection"? Would she start making accusation in front of our children or our grandchildren? What would she do? We wanted Dad's service to be peaceful, and we didn't want to expose our children and grandchildren to her unpredictable and possibly upsetting behavior, so together we decided to have a separate Memorial Service for the rest of the family after my sister left the area. My brother graciously offered to share his exact same message over again for our adult kids and grandchildren at a later time.
Next Entry: Dad's Memorial Service
Dad's graveside service was yesterday. It was simple and very meaningful. His plain coffin was draped with the American flag. The military guard carried the casket from the hearse to the grave. My brother, per Dad's wishes, led the service which was just for family members. He did an awesome job. Maybe I will get his notes and write it here in my journal. I was going to share some thoughts at the graveside service, but my brother and I decided at the last moment that it would be best if I waited until the Memorial Service we are having with our children, grandchildren, Mom and my brother's family on Saturday. (See Addendum.)
Before the service started, my brother asked my sister to sit on one side of Mom and for me to sit on the other side of Mom. It was the right thing to do. Mom cried softly throughout the service and I kept my arm around her to comfort her. After my brother finished speaking, the honor guard folded the American flag and gave it to Mom. He thanked her on behalf of our country for Dad's service in World War II. At the close of the service, the honor guard fired three rounds of volleys to signify the dead being properly cared for, and taps was played. It was beautiful and moving.
And with that... it was over.
After the service my sister handed out packets to give to our daughter and son since they were not in attendance. My sister then asked if we were all going to go out to eat together. (What ?!?) We all replied, "No." Mom left with my brother and his family in their car and my sister and brother-in-law left in their car.
After the honor guard and the family left, my husband and I stayed behind so we could take pictures of the casket, grave, etc. We wanted to be able to explain what happens at a funeral and share the pictures with our grandchildren at the Memorial Service. We especially wanted to do what we could to help our daughter-in-law. Her Mom was seriously ill and not expected to live much longer. Our grandchildren loved Great Grandpa and were sad to see him die, but it was going to be much harder for two of our grandchildren when their beloved MaMaw died. We wanted to help prepare the way for what our shared grandchildren were soon were going to experience when they lost their wonderful MaMaw.
When we got back home, I had a chance to look at the packets my sister gave me. The packets contained copies of a letter from Dad and some pictures. Perhaps the saddest part of the whole day was when I read what my sister had written on the back of the picture of Dad with his beloved "parpy" dog (our puppy Dozer). "Probable last photo taken April '11." That wasn't even close to being accurate. The picture of Dad with our puppy was taken the year before.
A lot of "life" and "love" transpired between the time that photo was taken and Dad's death. My family celebrated Dad's 90th birthday and Easter with a family dinner and party just weeks before Dad died. There were lots of pictures taken, videos made and special moments and memories shared. Without Dad knowing, we videotaped what turned out to be his final family prayer before we shared our Easter dinner. I loved to hear my Dad pray. I can still hear his voice as he prayed for the "in-laws and out-laws" gathered around the table. 😊
When my sister chose to blow up our family of origin by filing a vicious and ruinous lawsuit against a sibling, it created a complete void between her and the rest of the family. She had no idea that my daughter interviewed Dad recounting stories of the war and those stories are now permanently part of the National Archives. The interview was recorded on a DVD. The letter my sister handed out was actually Dad's account of the war that he personally wrote for my daughter when she was interviewing him. My sister thought she was performing the role of a "historical archive specialist" by presenting the rest of the family a packet of the "probable last photo" and a letter from Dad as a keepsake, all the while totally unaware that what she presented was something the rest of us already had. How sad that my sister is so out of the loop in this family (because of her own actions), that she knows nothing about the last years and months of my Dad's or anyone else's life. So incredibly sad.
You cannot alienate yourself from everyone and then expect to get a different result than what you have created—alienation. You cannot use trickery against a sister; falsely accuse a sister; file a lawsuit to try and financially destroy a sister by taking what is hers as your own; and then think you will be warmly welcomed back into a family and expect to go out to dinner together after a memorial service. You cannot do what my sister has done to my Mom, Dad, and brother for these last 40 plus years and expect them to feel safe around you. You cannot lie, tell half-truths, leave out the truth, exaggerate the truth, and then expect your family members to trust you. IF—THEN is a biblical principle and a life principle. You do reap what you sow. I feel sorry for her, but I can't fix her. Will either she or her husband ever understand who is responsible for the breakdown in relationship from the friends and family they used to be close to but are now alienated from?
It's interesting to compare what all was happening between the time of the "probable last photo" and Dad's death.
On their side: the judge granted my sister and brother-in-law's request for more discovery time in the lawsuit. They used none of the extended time for anything that actually pertained to the lawsuit itself. Instead, they used that time as an opportunity to try and create a division between our daughter, son-in-law, and ourselves. Their plan didn't work. It was during this discovery time that I was required to send 450 pages of this journal to them. 450 pages of me pleading with God to show them mercy and to give them time for repentance. Instead of receiving it in the manner it was written, they took my words, twisted them, took them out of context, and accused me of threatening their lives. They went so far as to say they were considering getting a protective restraining order in order to protect themselves from me out of a (irrational) fear that I would do them physical harm.
On our side: much quality and quantity of time was spent with Mom and Dad and our own family. In spite of "the storm," our lives were filled with peace, joy, and contentment.
Addendum; 3/9/15 ~ Because my sister and brother-in-law's latest tactic included accusing me of being mentally and emotionally unstable; because in their lawyer correspondence they said they felt I was homicidal and expressed their fear of me and what I might do; because they refused to be in the same room with me unless it was in a courtroom facility where I would be required to pass through a metal detector; and because they said they considered getting a restraining order against me but decided against it since they live on the other side of the country... because of all those things and more, we (my Mom, brother, husband and I, and our children) all decided it would be wisest if our son and daughter and their young families did not attend Dad's funeral.
My sister's behavior was just too unpredictable. She knew none of her accusations were true, but it appears she was (and is) willing to stop at nothing to try and destroy me. Would she have the police there for her "protection"? Would she start making accusation in front of our children or our grandchildren? What would she do? We wanted Dad's service to be peaceful, and we didn't want to expose our children and grandchildren to her unpredictable and possibly upsetting behavior, so together we decided to have a separate Memorial Service for the rest of the family after my sister left the area. My brother graciously offered to share his exact same message over again for our adult kids and grandchildren at a later time.
Next Entry: Dad's Memorial Service
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